50. “I Don’t Ever Wanna See You Again” – Uncle Sam
49. “The Sign” – Ace of Base
48. “Heartless” – Kanye West
47. “Marvin’s Room” – Drake
46. “The One I Love” – R.E.M.
45. “Butterfly” – Mariah Carey
44. “So Sick” – Ne-Yo
43. “Where I Wanna Be” – Donell Jones
42. “Every Breath You Take” – The Police
41. “Free Fallin’” – Tom Petty
40. “Gone” – N*Sync
39. “Nobody Knows” – The Tony Rich Project
38. “We Can’t Be Friends” – Deborah Cox
37. “Pretty Wings” – Maxwell
36. “You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morrisette
35. “Used to Love U” – John Legend
34. “Survivor” – Destiny’s Child
33. “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart” – Alicia Keys
32. “Burn” – Usher
31. “We’re Not Making Love No More” – Dru Hill
30. “Song Cry” – Jay-Z
29. “Since U Been Gone” – Kelly Clarkson
28. “Back to Black” – Amy Winehouse
27. “Tainted Love” – Soft Cell
26. “Emotional” – Carl Thomas

25. “Somebody That I Used to Know” – Gotye featuring Kimbra (2011)

I could not get away from this song for seemingly all of fiscal 2012. Somewhere in there, I learned to love it. Somewhere in its quirkiness rested a tragic tale most of us can relate to. The song describes two ex-lovers that can’t be friends. Not only are they not friends, they have nothing to do with each other…they don’t know each other anymore.

24. “Take a Bow” – Madonna (1994)

Before RiRi told Chris Brown her ex to take a bow a few years ago, Madonna had already told hers to do so…in much bigger and better fashion (seven weeks at #1 on the charts)…in 1994. Hell, she had Babyface singing backup on this. The entire song is a metaphor about a masqueraded relationship that is now over. No one likes having their love taken for granted, and Madonna does what so many of us are afraid to do…”say goodbye.”

23. “Anytime” – Brian McKnight (1997)

Confession: I’ve been here. I’ve wondered what an ex is doing. I’ve wondered how she’s doing. I’ve wondered if I ever cross her mind. I’ve since moved on…thankfully. A hauntingly lonely song that mirrors the haunting piano licks that make it so memorable. Brian hasn’t let go of his former lover just yet. He misses her and seems to be holding out hope that she’ll come back to him. Don’t hold on too long, good sir. It’s not healthy.

22. “I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor (1978) 

I’ll probably die still hearing someone singing this song off-key and a crowd of empowered women dancing and singing along word for word…and for some reason loving it. In two lines, this song offers timeless life advice for anyone having trouble moving on: “As long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive / I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive.” Absolutely perfect.

21. “Ex-Factor” – Lauryn Hill (1998)

On again, off again. This track is for that one person we love the most, but hurts us the most. It describes a relationship in which one person keeps trying to leave and whenever he/she does, the other person unsuccessfully tries to fix things. “You let go, and I’ll let go, too…it ain’t workin’.”

20. “Ain’t No Sunshine” – Bill Withers (1971)

Yes, Bill, you “ought to leave the young thing alone” if she keeps leaving and not telling you where she’s going or how long she’ll be gone. I know, I know, I know, I know, you know. While Bill Withers is the originator of this classic, have you heard young Michael Jackson blow the lid off of it? Thank me later.

19. “Not Gon’ Cry” – Mary J. Blige (1996)

This countdown would’ve lost some credibility if it didn’t feature a song from Waiting to Exhale, right? Blige takes on the persona of a scorned ex-wife who was getting cheated on. She’s not going to cry, though, because he’s not worth the tears. “Ee-lev-uhn years of sacrifice…” *ahem* Sorry, I couldn’t help it.

18. “White Flag” – Dido (2003)

Dido is a ghost of an ex past in this song. She vows to “go down with the ship” (relationship) and to fight until the bitter end. Her poor ex. What’s he supposed to do? She admits that she caused problems in the relationship and doesn’t blame him for moving on, but she hasn’t. She won’t. This song gives credence to the tag, “it’s complicated.”

17. “She’s Out of My Life” – Michael Jackson (1977)

This song represents conflicting emotions post-breakup. Do you laugh or cry? Do you live or die? Do you embrace the freedom of being single or dwell on the past? MJ accepts the blame for taking the relationship for granted for two years, locking his love deep inside and away from her, and his pride getting in the way. Live and learn is the best lesson that one can take away from this song.

16. “Cry Me a River” – Justin Timberlake (2002)

Britney Spears left JT in a bad place. This ventilating masterpiece was birthed in that bad place. He loved her, did everything he could for her, but she cheated on him, and destroyed any possibility of a future together. He has cried his tears and dealt with the pain from the breakup and passes it on to her. Vengefully beautiful.

15. “Tyrone” – Erykah Badu (1997)

We interrupt this countdown of downers and tales of heartbreak to bring you Erykah Badu’s ode to a trifling ex. Tyrone is the friend of the cheap and clueless ex-boyfriend Ms. Badu so eloquently describes in this song. Fellas, this is what can happen when you don’t take care of your woman. Pay attention to your woman. Spend some money on her. Spend some time with her!

14. “Don’t Speak” – No Doubt (1996)

How many songs in the history of music have featured exes on the very song describing their former relationship? Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal dated for seven years before this song came out and gave the world a glimpse of the fallout. Here, the writing is on the wall and words aren’t even necessary to explain that the relationship has died.

13. “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” – John Mayer (2006)

Lonely apart and dangerous together. That’s what I think of when I hear this song. Here’s a toxic relationship that needs to end, but drags on. Both parties know that the relationship is over but both of them are afraid to pull the trigger and officially end it. “Slow dancing in a burning room” or holding on to a dead relationship. Pick your poison.

12. “November Rain” – Guns N’ Roses (1992)

If this was a countdown based on instrumentation alone, put this in the top two. The last two minutes are nothing short of epic. It’s part of a trilogy of heartbreak songs that Guns N’ Roses blessed us with in the 90′s (along with “Don’t Cry” and “Estranged”). This is a song about not wanting to deal with unrequited love. Axl is still very much in love with a woman, but she is no longer in love with him. “Everybody needs some time…on their own.”

11. “The Scientist” – Coldplay (2002)

Going back in time is a power some of us wish we had. Chris Martin has messed things up in the relationship, and he wishes to erase it all and start over. He wants to return to a happier time in the relationship when she loved him, and when she was still excited to learn about him. Those days are long gone, but they still haunt him.

10. “Un-Break My Heart” – Toni Braxton (1996)

How do you not feel the pain exuding from this song? Ms. Braxton was dumped by an ex and still wallows in the heartache. She asks this ex to come back, undo the pain that he caused by walking out her life, and replace them with the happy times while he was in her life. The video paints a tragic, dark, and bleak picture as her lover dies in a motorcycle accident, thus leaving her forever. Powerful lyrics. Powerful song.

9. “End of the Road” – Boyz II Men (1992)

Boyz II Men perfected the art of harmonizing, so sometimes it’s easy to forget that this is a song about a breakup. Denial, really. The relationship is over, but these boyz can’t let go and realize that it’s not “unnatural” for lovers to go their separate ways. I really do miss those mid-song, deep-voice raps, though. Music just isn’t what it used to be.

8. “Voyage to Atlantis” – The Isley Brothers (1977)

What to say about this gem? Hmm…it’s a wonderful deception. Obviously, it’s about a breakup. Ron Isley is selling hopes and dreams. He tells his ex that he’ll always come back to her and that they’ll reunite in a “paradise out beyond the sea” (Atlantis). Newsflash: Atlantis is a mythical place that doesn’t exist. No flames will be rekindled here. Damn, I love this song.

7. “Purple Rain” – Prince (1984)

First off, what is “purple rain?” I’m pretty sure it signifies a girl crying. When she cries, her eyes would “rain” purple mascara. Poetic. Why is she crying? At first, Prince is describing the pain he caused this woman, but he only wanted to make her happy. He didn’t mean for her to fall in love with him. Instead, he just wanted to try and make her happy, but he made her cheat, so he left her behind for her own benefit. Prince, ladies and gentlemen.

6. “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” – Journey (1983)

If it’s possible to make a beautiful breakup song, this does it masterfully. Sure, our relationship didn’t work out. Yes, we made promises we couldn’t keep. However, I still love you, you’ll find love somewhere else, and love won’t desert you. Why things don’t work out with the couple isn’t explained, but this song probably wins the award for ending on the most peaceful, loving, unselfish, and heartfelt terms possible.

5. “Someone Like You” – Adele (2011)

“I wish nothing but the best for you…” Much like a lot of songs that have preceded it, Adele’s piece of perfection is performed from the perspective of a jilted lover. What sets this song apart is the fact that she assures herself that she’ll find someone else and harbors no ill will toward her ex. She makes it no secret that she’s not over him, but she puts her pride aside, and only asks to be remembered. Pulchritudinous paradox.

4. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt (1991)

I’ll go ahead and call this the saddest song on this list. Bonnie is in a relationship and deeply in love, but her partner isn’t. She can’t make him love her, and “in these final hours,” she’ll lay down her heart. She doesn’t stop there. In the midst of lying in bed with her lover, she asks for the night to give up the fight of trying to get her lover to reciprocate the feelings she harbors. Impeccably written and performed. My goodness…

3. “Go Your Own Way” – Fleetwood Mac (1976)

Okay, so “Don’t Speak” wasn’t the only breakup song featuring ex-lovers describing their former relationship. Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham open their world to our world. From the lyrics, Nicks and Buckingham had an on again, off again relationship, but there’s some finality to this song. Here I was at 11 thinking that this song was about Forrest Gump going his own way across the country. It’s so much deeper and better than that.

2. “I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston (1992)

I’m running low on words to describe amazing songs. There isn’t a lot I can say about one of the best selling songs of all time, either. Whitney was at her absolute best here. She made it her song. I know this is a cover, but it is her song. The third verse sums it up perfectly: “I hope life treats you kind. And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of. And I wish to you joy and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love.”  Bittersweet. Beautiful.

1. “Free Bird” – Lynyrd Skynyrd (1973)

Remember when I said that “November Rain” was instrumentally in the top two of songs on this list? Meet the other one. It features one of, if not, the best guitar solos I’ve ever heard. That’s not the only reason it’s number one, though. “Free Bird” found a way to make a song about a breakup mirror life itself. On the surface, it’s a typical breakup song. He’s breaking things off with the girl. There are places he wants to see and things he wants to do. The deeper meaning behind the song suggests that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. In other words, some people are wild at heart and cannot be changed (tamed).

There are literally thousands of breakup songs. I’ve sifted through my library for three weeks now looking for my favorites and the best. These are my 50. I welcome any songs that I left off, so give me your thoughts/songs/etc.

Oh, and just in case you wanted to hear for yourself what the Top 25 sounds like, I’ve put all together into one playlist which you can enjoy and download here.

-23

Disclaimer: Taylor Swift did not make it onto this list.

50. “I Don’t Ever Want To See You Again” – Uncle Sam (1997)

Talk about a downer of a song. Not only is the love of Uncle Sam’s life cheating on him, she’s cheating on him with his best friend. Uncle Sam takes correct and proper action by moving on and vowing to never see her again. Let’s hope he doesn’t want to see his best friend again, either.

49. “The Sign” – Ace of Base (1993)

While most of Ace of Base’s songs sound alike, this one stands out. Maybe it’s because the album is called The Sign, too. Maybe it’s because of the fact that it packs quite a punch beneath the upbeat, 90′s, Euro-pop sound. This is a song about growth. It’s about seeing a former lover after a significant amount of time apart and wondering why the hell you dated that person in the first place.

48. “Heartless” – Kanye West (2008)

I could put the vast majority of 808s and Heartbreak on this list, but I’ll stick with this song. I won’t speculate as to who the muse of this song was (even though it’s not hard to figure out), but it’s pretty apparent that she hurt Kanye pretty badly. Hell, the guy went from rapper to auto-tune singer because of her. Judging by the lyrics, there was no closure or resolution after the relationship ended as he “left it wrong” and she couldn’t “make it right”.

47. “Marvin’s Room” – Drake (2011)

I was extremely tempted to put JoJo’s version of this song at this spot, but it just felt disrespectful. Drake made this a hit. Okay, we’ve all done it. Drunk dialed or sent a drunk text to an ex. It probably didn’t end well, either. Here, the ex has moved on to someone else, but Drake is bitter. He has resorted to surrounding himself with females and burying his sorrows in the bottle, but hey, “[he's] just sayin’ [she] could do better.”

46. “The One I Love” – R.E.M. (1987)

I love this song. It’s twisted, evil, and awful, but it has a certain charm to it. It sounds like a love song. The title makes you think it’s a love song. It’s not. It’s about a girl (really, more than one) that the singer once “loved” and left behind. She turns out to be a “simple prop to occupy [his] time.” Never has the concept of “love ‘em and leave ‘em” sounded so…good.

45. “Butterfly” – Mariah Carey (1997)

Breaking up is never fun, and it usually hurts a great deal, but some songs make it easier to cope. This is one of those songs. Mariah Carey lets her lover go to “spread [his] wings and prepare to fly”. Whether it’s because of a job, to follow his dreams, or some mixture of the two, she lets him go in hopes that he will one day return to her. Beautiful song.

44. “So Sick” – Ne-Yo (2006)

A lot of times, when a relationship ends, old habits must end with it. Ne-Yo sings of changing the answering machine, fixing the calendar marked with an anniversary, being done with wishing his girlfriend was there, and not listening to “stupid love songs” anymore. He soon discovers that these things are not the easiest things to do.

43. “Where I Wanna Be” – Donell Jones (2000)

Mr. Jones is forthright and honest when he tells his girl that he’d “rather leave than to cheat.” Basically, his playing days aren’t over yet. He’s been with this woman for years, and he wants to see what else is out there before he settles down. Donell Jones made a hell of a song about a hell of a decision to leave.

42. “Every Breath You Take” – The Police (1983)

File this one away in your “Creepy Classics” folder. People have different ways of dealing with break-ups. Some cry, some drink, some reflect. Sting stalks. He wants his ex back, but he goes about it all wrong. I hate when people misinterpret this song. It’s not sweet. It’s not protective. It’s not cute. It’s disturbing. While it’s a great song, do your family, friends, and guests at your wedding reception a favor and refrain from having this song played.

41. “Free Fallin’” – Tom Petty (1989)

For such a sweet-sounding and freedom-seeking song, this one starts off pretty damn icy. Here’s a guy who has a great girlfriend. He wants to be free, though. He leaves her in the suburbs of L.A. with a broken heart to pursue his freedom and independence. At first, he doesn’t even miss her, but after his days of being a “bad boy,” he realizes how empty it feels and how much he misses her.

40. “Gone” – ‘N Sync (2001)

“Bye, Bye, Bye” could have gone here, but I think “Gone” is for this list. Justin and his backups aren’t quite sure where Justin’s girl went. They don’t even know why she went wherever she went. Maybe it was something he said. Maybe he was too blind to see the warning signs. “The truth remains [she's] gone,” and he’s miserable. He vows to “hang around and find some things to do to get [his] mind off missing [her].” Good luck with that.

39. “Nobody Knows” – The Tony Rich Project (1996)

I swore up and down that this was Babyface when I first heard it in the fifth grade. Turns out it was a one hit wonder. Here’s a song that outlines what can happen when you keep your emotions hidden and don’t fully appreciate what you have while you have it. Lonely nights, sad days, and thinking about a love gone wrong. He’s going to go find his ex-lover and tell her what he should have told her a long time ago, though. Once again, good luck with that.

38. “We Can’t Be Friends” – Deborah Cox featuring R.L. (1999)

I love songs that can put new spins on break-ups. Here we have a former couple that realizes that they can’t go from lovers to merely friends because they’re still in love with each other. That “let’s just be friends” quip doesn’t always fly, and here is one of those instances. Beautifully crafted.

37. “Pretty Wings” – Maxwell (2009)

I used to always have to remind myself that this song was about a break-up. It’s called “Pretty Wings”. You’d think this song was about a happier subject than two lovers going their separate ways. She wronged him. He wronged her. These facts almost get lost in the mystique of Maxwell’s voice.

36. “You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morissette (1995)

This is that raw, unadulterated, and bitterly sarcastic, final haymaker thrown by a jilted lover. Another woman has entered the picture, and Alanis perfectly captures what it feels like to be replaced by someone who isn’t nearly as good, selfless, or freaky as she is. And when she scratches her nails down someone else’s back, she hopes her ex feels it. Read between the lines. Bold. Brash. Brazen.

35. “Used to Love U” – John Legend (2004)

Loving someone with all you have and realizing that that’s not enough. That’s this song in an eggshell. Everyone has their limits, and Mr. Legend reached those limits here. No one likes being unappreciated and taken advantage of, and this song serves as an anthemic declaration of empowerment. “You’ll miss me when I’m gone” rings so loudly.

34. “Survivor” – Destiny’s Child (2001)

Honestly, this song would be a little bit higher if it wasn’t for Michelle’s verse. Sorry, I’m just being honest. I still really like this song, though. It’s a female anthem that doesn’t bash the ex-boyfriend in the process. They’re better than that. They wish him the best, hope he’s blessed, and that he finds happiness. Well done, ladies.

33. “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart” – Alicia Keys (2009)

This song expresses that harsh reality of heartbreak perfectly. If you’re going through sleepless nights thinking about that ex-lover, this song is for you. If you’re struggling with those feelings that are still there after the relationship is over, this song is for you. If you’re not going to let said break-up destroy you, this song is for you. Alicia Keys caught lightning in a bottle by making this song sad and uplifting at the same time.

32. “Burn” – Usher (2004)

So succinct. So direct. So painful. So good. Usher actually lays out how to break up with a significant other when the relationship has reached its end. It’s “been a long time coming,” and it will hurt, but it must be done. Great song and a great album.

31. “We’re Not Making Love No More” – Dru Hill (1997)

Dru Hill takes us into the bedroom, but in a depressing way. The relationship has fallen apart and these lovers are moving further apart every day. They don’t talk anymore, they used to be best friends, and well, they’re not having sex anymore. “How did it slip away?” You’ve given us a laundry list of reasons. Which one do you want? In my mind, this is a song that represents the very last moment before the actual break-up.

30. “Song Cry” – Jay-Z (2002)

Every now and then, you find a song from a dude you wouldn’t expect to show his vulnerable side. This time, that song comes from one, Shawn Carter, better known as Jay-Z. Jigga was in his feelings on this song, but what a great song it turned out to be. Most guys have that one ex-girlfriend that they regret screwing over. Many of those guys still find themselves reminiscing over her from time to time. Thanks for this one, Jay.

29. “Since U Been Gone” – Kelly Clarkson (2004)

Freedom. That’s the word that comes to mind when I hear this song. When you’re out of a relationship that was going nowhere, you can breathe again. You can move on. You can walk into your ex-boyfriend’s house and destroy everything. I really hope people didn’t get any funny ideas from this video.

28. “Back to Black” – Amy Winehouse (2006)

Sometimes after a relationship ends, people go back to something comfortable for them. In this instance, Amy Winehouse goes back to drinking and smoking while her ex goes “back to her” (his ex). I never said there wouldn’t be dark songs on this list. This is one of them.

27. “Tainted Love” – Soft Cell (1981)

Sing it if you know it. *ahem* “Sometimes…I feel I’ve got to *clap* *clap* run away….I’ve got to *clap* *clap* get away…” While the credit goes to Gloria Jones’ original, Soft Cell made it the catchy, karaoke special that it has become.  The meaning of this song is simple. A guy has had enough of his girlfriend and her “tainted love”, so he tells her that he’s packing his things, leaving, and not to touch him. *clap* *clap* Good decision.

26. “Emotional” – Carl Thomas (2000)

Sting keeps finding multiple ways to get onto my countdowns. Here, he lends Carl Thomas the music from “Shape of My Heart,” and Thomas makes the most of it. We’re presented with another relationship that has fallen apart. When you find yourselves spending more time fighting for a relationship than actually having one, then maybe it’s time to call it quits. That’s exactly what Carl Thomas does. It hurts, but “the love is through.”

Stay tuned for the top 25 coming very soon…

-23

I am probably the most militant (maybe second after Chad) person on the thread, so it really hurt me to think of this post… but it had to happen. I’ve lived in LA for about 9 and a half months now. It’s been an interesting adventure. There have been a lot of ups and downs during this journey as I’m in a very interesting situation. Right now, I am my boss’s only employee, so it’s been kind of hard meeting peers. And after the week I had, I decided to write this blog.

While trying to meet new people, I have realized that black women are the unfriendliest women (at least in LA). As I’ve had many encounters here, I’ve been surprised how various women have responded to me. I have a friend from college that I’ve been hanging out with. She’s friendly. She’s spunky. She’s accepting, and she’s white… So we go to a lot of bars and have wine nights watching Pitch Perfect. But being who I am, I can say I do crave [doing hoodrat things] with my friends, so I did go on a search to find some black friends. What did I decide to do? I joined the LA Urban League Young Professionals.

I went to my first event this past week. I was excited. I have a magnetic personality. I’m funny. I have to meet one friend, right? As I lightly campaigned about just moving here and made small talk, every single female ended up giving me the “we already have our friends leave us alone” stank face. I would join conversations, and these females would literally turn their lip up at me. Really? It wasn’t even about bourgie black people perceiving that I was less than because I clearly just paid dues. So why look at me like this? My jokes were funny. I even had the comedian laughing, so I questioned why I left the event feeling awkward, bruised, and empty handed.

The next night… I go out with my spunky, LA best friend, and a couple of her ex co-workers (one Caucasian, one Asian-American). We hit a nice, dance infused, spot. Mostly black people. I got to shake my lovely lady lump. The downside of this place? It was the upstairs of a restaurant and only had one, unisex bathroom. If you know me, you know that I am the bathroom queen and probably will go 3 or 4 times during the night. (It’s probably because I drink so fast… don’t judge me!) While in this abyss of a restroom line, a Latina taps me and tells me how pretty I look in my shirt. We then strike up a conversation. She recognizes my accent, and I tell her that I haven’t lived here for long. She then invites me out to a comedy night. We exchange numbers. (She was in line with her boyfriends, so she wasn’t hitting on me). A simple bathroom trip, and I gain an associate. Interesting.

I wish I had some profound logic as to why black women are the way we are, but I don’t. We get in our groups, and we treat encounters like they are twerk team auditions. I’m not being a pot calling the kettle black, but I am now aware of what we as black women do. And if we do it to women, many of us wonder why no men approached us at the club. We’re missing God’s blessing by being so unfriendly, so I’m challenging myself to smile at everyone and not give someone a stank face when they try to have a conversation with me. Let’s see what will happen! #BlackPower

-Warnecessary

This is not a food blog, but I am a self-admitted foodie. The kind that takes pictures of their food at restaurants before they eat it. The kind that scours pinterest for new recipes. The kind that has more than one cook book on their kindle. The kind that makes food-related posts on non-food blogs. That’s me.

I am also living truly on my own now for practically the first time in my 24 years. On top of that… I work a high-stress yet low-paying job (Chasing dreams out here ya’ll). Cooking is not only cost-saving, satisfying and satiating for me… it’s relieving. I relish a delicious, well-prepared meal. And no, I am surprisingly *not morbidly obese. Although, I would say I have a healthy obsession with good food. (I’m clearly still in the “denial” phase of dealing with an addiction).

So, with that said, I holding my head high, puffing out my chest, and providing all of our beloved thREADERS with my first, self-made recipe. Yes, I came up with this all by myself. I have no idea what to call it, but rest assured… it is highly delectable.

Easy Chickeney, Noodley, Spinachey, Saucey Goodness

This is an easy, quick meal that tastes great. No idea if it’s healthy, but you can whip it up in no time! Here’s what you need:

• Fresh, baby spinach leaves

• Boneless, skinless chicken breast

• Noodles (flat noodles, udon noodles, angel hair… whatever you like!)

• KC Masterpiece honey teriyaki marinade

• Pineapple juice

That’s right… just FIVE ingredients! The best part is, you get to throw most of them in a crock pot and then forget about them until your belly begins to rumble! For those of you unfamiliar with the marinade, you can find it at any grocery store on the condiment isle near the bbq sauce. Here’s what it looks like:

Now you may have noticed that I didn’t tell you how much of each thing you need on the recipe list. Well, I’m just not a measurement kind of girl. If you like lots of spinach, throw lots of it in there! If you like plenty of noodles, use a bunch! If you want it to taste more sweet and tangy, put more pineapple juice! You get the idea. Do whatever your own little taste buds lead you to do! Now for some directions:

• Throw the chicken breasts, pineapple juice, and teriyaki marinade in the slow cooker. Cook on low for 4-5 hours, or on high for 2-3 hours. I put just enough of the wet ingredients in there so that all of the chicken is submerged.
• Kick back and relax (or in my case… go to work), and let the slow cooker do the REAL work!
• When you’re about ready to eat, boil your water for the noodles and throw them on the stove.
• Take the chicken out of the slow cooker, and shred with a fork.
• Put olive oil and the baby spinach leaves in a medium-sized frying pan and saute it over medium heat.
• Throw the cooked noodles and shredded chicken in the same frying pan, and add some of the marinade. Use more if you like your noodles more saucy, use less if you want them more sticky. I used about two cap fulls.
• Stir fry all of your ingredients over high heat for about five minutes until you hear the noodles start crackling and popping. Taste them to decide when they’re ready to eat! Then, put it all in a bowl and enjoy! Bon Appetit! 

Once the chicken is done, this takes about 10 minutes to make.

PS: For those of you who happen to be wine-o’s like me… (I know what you’re thinking. A foodie and a wine-o. Dangerous combination.) This dish goes great with a California white. I suggest Ménage à Trois. According to their website, “Three different grapes add up beautifully in our Ménage à Trois White. The Chardonnay is rich and firm. The Muscat is wild and exotic. The Chenin is soft and supportive. Together they make the perfect threesome.” Did I mention that it’s cheap? About 10-11 dollars depending on where you go. You can find it at almost any liquor store, or even HEB! Here’s what the bottle looks like:

This is literally the easiest and most delicious thing I’ve ever come up with in the kitchen! I hope you try it, and I hope you like it even more. Remember, you heard it here first!

Disclaimer (why do I keep having to write these?): I do not condone, support, and/or encourage statutory rape. Thank you.

20. “Stray Cat Blues” – The Rolling Stones (1968)
I tried really hard to avoid these overtly statutory songs, but the Rolling Stones had absolutely no shame, so I picked this song to lead off. These days, people love Sir Mick Jagger. Hell, there are songs about him setting the bar for swagger levels. However, when The Rolling Stones were at their height, this musical enabler of pedophiles was born.
Why it’s on the list: “I can see that you’re 15 years old / No I don’t want your I.D.”

19. “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” – Spinal Tap (1974)
The Department of Redundancy Department called me earlier and told me about this one. Like the song before, I really tried to avoid it. Here’s your typical rock song about being on tour and sleeping with a groupie who got backstage passes. The problem is that she’s underage. Way underage. Ugh…
Why it’s on the list: “You’re sweet, but you’re just four feet / And you still got your baby teeth / You’re too young, and I’m too well hung”

18. “Jennifer” – Styx (1976)
The infamous age of 17 makes its first appearance here. Thankfully, Styx isn’t as disgustingly bad as the Rolling Stones and Spinal Tap were. Interestingly enough, the young lady described in this song seems to be the aggressor.
Why it’s on the list: “She’s 17, barely old enough to cry / A child in her father’s eyes /
A woman every night”

17. “Young Man, Older Woman” – Millie Jackson (1991)
Ah, yes. We finally get to hear from the women. And Millie Jackson at that. If you aren’t familiar with Ms. Jackson, she’s notorious for her authentic, brash, scandalous, highly sexual, and brilliant musical storytelling. This track doesn’t stray from that formula. Like the song (and play/album) title says, this is a tale about a cougar before cougardom was cool. There’s no sign of illegal activity here. Thank God.
Why it’s on the list: “You gotta be crazy / You’re much too young / Or haven’t you noticed? / You could be my son”

16. “Father Figure” – George Michael (1988)
As I said before, this list involves some interpretation. Although George Michael never reveals ages in this song, I’m of the opinion that he’s singing about something against the law here. Michael croons about “tiny hands”, being “naked”, and “crime”. As far as I’m concerned, George was robbing the cradle and pulled the wool over our eyes (ears). I hate that I like this song.
Why it’s on the list: “I will be your father figure / Put your tiny hand in mine / I will be your preacher, teacher / Anything you have in mind / I will be your father figure / I have had enough of crime”

15. “That Summer” – Garth Brooks (1993)
Switching gears, but remaining in overdrive, Garth Brooks supplied this gem. I knew I could count on country to give me something good. Honestly, I think this is lyrically one of the best songs you’ll find on this countdown. Brooks mastered the art of storytelling and paints a vibrant picture of losing his virginity to an older woman in a wheat field in the middle of nowhere during that summer. Hooray for prepositional phrases.
Why it’s on the list: “I went to work for her that summer / A teenage kid so far from home / She was a lonely widow woman / Hell bent to make it on her own”

14. “Desiree” – Neil Diamond (1977)
Rule of thumb: a song with a female’s name as the title is very hard to forget…for better or for worse. Off the top of my head, there’s “Jennifer”, “Amanda”, “Kisha”, “Iesha”…and “Desiree”. Much like Garth Brooks’ tale, Neil Diamond sings of losing his virginity to a woman twice his age during the summer. Anybody else noticing a serious difference in tone when the song is about a younger guy and an older woman?
Why it’s on the list: “On that younger day / Well, I became a man / At the hands of a girl / Almost twice my age”

13. “Fat Bottomed Girls” – Queen (1978)
See: “That Summer” and “Desiree”. Queen broke the mold slightly by resorting to the older women because the women comparable in age just didn’t seem to be doing it for them anymore. Keeping with the theme, these “fat-bottomed girls” forever changed the way these young men looked at life.
Why it’s on the list: “Hey, I was just a skinny lad, never knew no good from bad / But I knew life before I left my nursery / Left alone with big, fat fannies, she was such a naughty nanny / Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me”

12. “Seventeen” – Winger (1988)
Is it just me or were there a lot of songs about big age differences coming out during the 80’s? Here, we have another 17-year-old female aggressor. At least, that’s the way the story is told. I’m not sure how old the guys are in this song, but they equate sex to love. They must be pretty young. I still smell a statutory situation.
Why it’s on the list: “I’m only 17, but I’ll show you love like you’ve never seen / She’s only 17, daddy says she’s too young, but she’s old enough for me”

11. “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” – The Police (1980)
The Police knew how to say…wait for it…no! I can’t stress how happy I am to put this song here. Sting tells us about a young teacher (it happens to be him during his teaching days) that some of the school girls have a crush on. People are speculating that something is going on with this teacher and one of his pupils. However, he turns down the student’s advances and tells her not to stand so close. Good for you, Police, for staying on the right side of the law.
Why it’s on the list: “Inside her there’s longing / This girl’s an open page / Book marking, she’s so close now / This girl is half his age”

10. “Hot For Teacher” – Van Halen (1984)
Staying in the classroom, but flipping the script, Van Halen is responsible for this classic. Yep, it’s the 80’s again. These headbangers gave us an album called “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”, so it’s no surprise that they landed in the middle of this infamous collection of hit songs. I can tell you there are plenty of guys who have or have had a crush on one of their teachers. Guilty. Van Halen just made this coming-of-age milestone into a song. Somewhere Mary Kay Letourneau is listening to this song on her iPod.
Why it’s on the list: “I got it bad, so bad / I’m hot for teacher”

9. “Just Can’t Handle It” – Hi-Five (1990)
File this song away under the category of songs I sang as a young buck not fully understanding its true meaning. I respect the vulnerability expressed on this track, though. Instead of a pompous and cocky attitude that one would expect from a teenager close to his sexual peak, “Just Can’t Handle It” reveals a 16-year-old who knows he’s not ready for a 25-year-old.
Why it’s on the list: “Cutie tried to flip me; tried to blow my mind / I was only 16; she was 25”

8. “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number” – Aaliyah (1994)
While none of R. Kelly’s songs made it to this playlist (I tried really hard to find one), this comes close enough. Kelly wrote and produced this one. Oh, yeah, he also scandalously (and illegally) eloped with Aaliyah when she was 15. He was 27. That’s neither here nor there, though. “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number” is a smooth track from the beautiful songbird, Aaliyah, about a young girl wanting to date an older man. Slick.
Why it’s on the list: “Age ain’t nothing but a number, throwing down ain’t nothing but a thang / This loving I have for you it’ll never change”

7. “Stacy’s Mom” – Fountains of Wayne (2003)
In the same vein as “Hot for Teacher”, there is this ode to teenaged, male ardency. While not as serious as most of the other songs, “Stacy’s Mom” is a strangely loveable song about a guy interested in someone’s mother. What gives this song its high ranking is the fact that the mother the singer wants is his girlfriend’s. Cold-blooded.
Why it’s on the list: “You know I’m not the little boy that I used to be / I’m all grown up now, baby, can’t you see?

6. “Love You Down” – Ready For the World (1986)
Who knew that the confidence and (legal) swagger that this list was missing would be supplied by an R&B slow jam? Once again, we meet a young, male lover who aims to please his woman. Her friends aren’t a big fan of their relationship because of the age gap, but he boldly reminds everyone that he’s a smooth operator who will do whatever it takes to please his girlfriend…even if it takes all night.
Why it’s on the list: “All your friends think I’m just too young for you / You tell ‘em that I can do what guys their age can’t do, oh, baby”

5. “Mrs. Robinson” – Simon & Garfunkel (1968)
Okay, okay, okay…I caved. This song makes no mention of an age gap, but it’s probably one of the first songs that comes to mind when you think of MILF/cougar anthems thanks to The Graduate.
Why it’s on the list: Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft) has an affair with the younger Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) in The Graduate. The rest is history…

4. “Maggie May” – Rod Stewart (1971)
And here’s what can happen when a younger man gets intimate with an older, seasoned woman. Rod Stewart falls for the woman who stole his heart, and she ended up making a fool out of him. She wanted physical, and he got emotional. It happens.
Why it’s on the list: “The morning sun, when it’s in your face / Really shows your age / But that don’t worry me none / In my eyes, you’re everything”

3. “Let’s Get It On” – Marvin Gaye (1973)
I’d like to think that I’m good for a surprise or two when it comes to these playlists. “Let’s Get It On” is that surprise. Let me explain. Yes, I get that you sing along with this when you hear it on commercials, during the old-school lunch breaks, and at grown & sexy social scenes, but Marvin was up to no good when he wrote it. When he recorded it, he was dating Janis Hunter, the daughter of jazz guitarist, Slim Gaillard. The problem is that Janis was…you guessed it, 17. Marvin was literally twice her age. The two eventually married, had two children, and got divorced. That puts a different spin on this number, doesn’t it?
Why it’s on the list: “There’s nothing wrong with me / Loving you, baby, no, no / And giving yourself to me can never be wrong / If the love is true”

2. “Into the Night” – Benny Mardones (1980)
How did this song become a hit? Why did this song become a hit? Why do I find myself singing this song in the car? You don’t even have to listen closely to know what it’s about. The first lines of the song tell you that Benny is in love with a 16-year-old, and other people (rightfully) do not approve. What’s a man to do? Take said 16-year-old into the night, and show her a love like she’s never seen. Someone get Chris Hansen on the line right.now!
Why it’s on the list: “She’s just 16 years old / Leave her alone / They said…”

1. “Wrapped Around Your Finger” – The Police (1983)
For those of you keeping score at home, there have been six songs from the 70’s and six songs from the 80’s on this list. Well, the 80’s called…again…to break the tie. The Police are no strangers here (see: #11), but this song is king in my mind. Sting is one hell of a songwriter. With that talent, comes a complicated tale that essentially has two different interpretations. “Wrapped Around Your Finger” would make an English professor proud with all of the literary allusions and inferences. My interpretation: Sting takes on the persona of a curious, young paramore who is wrapped around the finger of an older woman who happens to be married. Eventually, Sting gets hip to the game that his lover is playing and turns the tables on her. Instead of him being wrapped around her finger, she becomes wrapped around his…presumably because of the physical aspect of their affair.
Why it’s on the list: “You consider me the young apprentice / Caught between the Scylla and Charibdes / Hypnotized by you if I should linger / Staring at the ring around your finger”

That does it for me. There are songs from the 2000′s, 90′s, 80′s, 70′s, and 60′s that span across a myriad of genres. This age gap thing has been going on since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, musically, it is grossly over-saturated by male singers/groups. Ugh…I need to take a shower because some of these songs make me feel grimy. Did I leave something off? Let me know your thoughts.

-23

Brave 

PIXAR’s 13th outing, I saw Brave opening day last week and was left kind of disappointed. I thought Merida and her family were really cool characters with what seemed like a good story up until the actual story started taking shape and you came to grips with this reality. Was it bad? No. Their worst? No. It’s definitely in their bottom tier of movies though. My problem(s) with the movie is that PIXAR usually designs their movies to be catered to both the younger and older crowds. Inside jokes that adults can laugh at but not be offensive to children. This movie, however, was just done for the kiddos and I found myself kind of bored throughout. The other “problem” really goes to my idea of what I expect from PIXAR in general. I’ve come to expect a certain level of greatness from this studio and every year when they had a new idea that I wasn’t sure of, MichaelYoungHistory would tell me it’s PIXAR and to not be worried, and he’d be right. With Brave, I actually was overly enthused for this one because I felt it was a cool and new direction for PIXAR. So I guess I should just be sort of apprehensive from now on….. This movie just seemed like it would fit in well with Dreamworks movies not so much PIXAR.

Now that that’s out of the way, I should get on to this list. Here we go!

13. Cars 2

The only Pixar movie I haven’t seen. Now this movie could be the mark in history for the turn of these movies to be more kid than adult friendly since I had no inclination whatsoever to see it. When I started reading that this would be the first non Toy Story sequel to be made, I could only ask, “Why????” Cars wasn’t exceptional from any stretch of the imagination, so what warranted a sequel? It’s actually one of Pixar’s lowest grossing movies. Another hour and a half of Larry the Cable Guy? Yeah, not interested.

12.  Ratatouille

A talking mouse that has a love for cooking. Seemed simple enough. Turned out to be an appetite for disaster. I’ve seen this movie once and I don’t really have a want to see it again. I stopped caring about the welfare of mice after Jerry, Master Splinter, and the Fievel movies…..

11. Brave

Yeah, Pixar’s latest offering doesn’t even crack my top 10. Won’t rehash any of my earlier statements. Wasted potential…..

Favorite Scene: Anything with the triplets in it. When Merida was trying to get her mom out of the castle.

10. Cars

The original Cars is pretty good all around to me. Nothing extraordinary about it, but it’s a solid movie. Again, not worth the sequel…. SMH.

Favorite Scene: When Lightning and Mater go out to the corn field and get chased by the tractor.

9. A Bug’s Life

Flick and Co. break the top ten on this list. “Warrior” circus bugs recruited to stop a group of grasshoppers.

Favorite Scene: When the grasshoppers attack and the ants counter with their assembled bird flyer.

8. Monster’s Inc.

I battled back and forth on these 2 movies, and Monster’s Inc, just barely edges out A Bug’s Life on placement on this list. Got to believe that Boo pushed this one over the top.

Favorite Scene: Boo’s first night with Mike and Sully as they try to keep her a secret.

7. Toy Story 2

The first ever Pixar sequel belongs to Toy Story 2. A story that centers on Woody and has him trying to figure out his place in the world.

Favorite Scene: The toys going to Al’s Toy Barn and Buzz realizing how ridiculous he was in the first movie after they stumble upon his aisle with 2,000 Buzz Lightyears.

6. Up

How many of you saw the first 15 minutes of this movie and thought, “THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A KIDS MOVIE?!” Yep, I was in the same boat. To say that Up pulled on your heartstrings in those first few minutes, is an understatement. More like they wanted to yank them out of your body. But then you met Russell and Dug and then you want to see Carl succeed in getting his house to Paradise Falls for his late wife, Ellie.

Favorite Scene: Probably the whole sequence on the zeppelin.

5. Toy Story 3

The supposed final chapter in the Toy Story franchise, TS3 makes it into my top 5. The idea of this being a movie done with almost no Andy involvement whatsoever, scared me at the beginning….. But those fears were swept aside the first time the toys were ransacked by the toddlers at the Sunnyside Daycare. Another quick admission, I was one of the grown ups crying during the incinerator sequence. Lol.

Favorite Scene: When Toddlers Attack. First day at the daycare.

4. Wall-E

Wall-E marked the first Pixar movie that I genuinely had doubts over. I mean, the movie was about a robot that was the last thing on Earth and could only really say it’s name. Turned out to be an amazing love story as Wall-E did all he could to impress the new robot on the block in Eve. Go plant some pizza plants!

Favorite Scene: When Wall-E and Eve accidentally spring the broken robots out of the repairs room and start to terrorize the ship.

3. Toy Story

At the end of the day, there’s only one Toy Story for me. Pixar’s first film is as timeless a movie as anything that Disney has in its repertoire. The movie is filled with tons of quotables, and for many of the people in my age group, one of the last few pieces of our childhood. To infinity and beyond.

Favorite Scene: Woody’s toy speech to Sid and the subsequent escape to meet up with the other toys and Andy’s family on moving day.

2. Finding Nemo  

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Marlin’s search for his son, Nemo, cracks the top 2! Finding Nemo is one of my favorites because it has so many crazy characters in it to balance the story. Everywhere Dory and Marlin go, it’s a completely different theme as they make it to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney (The only thing that forgetful Dory can remember most of the movie).

Favorite Scene: Dory trying to translate whale when her and Marlin find the blue whale.

1. The Incredibles

Yep, The Incredibles makes it to my number 1 spot. You mean to tell me that there’s a way to but Samuel L. Jackson in a movie, not have him use profanity, and it still be amazing? That’s exactly what The Incredibles accomplishes. All while Bob Par and his family try to assimilate back into regular society while juggling their superpowers. Hilarity ensues. Besides the Samuel L. Jackson thing, The Incredibles, was just so funny to me. It makes the Pixar title because it’s got the ability to laugh at some of the trademark superhero shortcomings (Edna’s commentary on not having a cape put on a super suit), but at the same time it puts out the message that we all have special gifts, and we shouldn’t have to hide them away from the general populous.

Favorite Scene: When Bob gets fired from his job and throws his boss through 8 cubicles.

Thank you all for reading this. Enjoy your 4th of July festivities!

WELCOME TO EARTH! *Will Smith punch to the face*

-The Big Socrates

Yesterday Rodney King passed away. A police brutality victim who was fortunate in that he was being taped when officers unloaded their frustrations on him. The acquittal of the officers who beat him led to the 1992 riot and created a ripple effect throughout our society. Unfortunately there continues to be all too many people who still suffer a fate similar to Rodney King at the hands of people who shouldn’t be police officers. A code of silence and a political culture that venerates police much more than the citizens they are meant to serve  have made police irreproachable even in cases of unjustifiable murder. This is just one aspect of an issue that includes lawmakers, judges, and for-profit prisons that leads to Americans having their liberties violated and trampled while creating a permanent underclass that costs the government more and more money each year while there is no estimate to the toll it takes on the people it affects.

x-posted @ TheYBC

Last night I finally caught the season première of True Blood. True Blood is something of guilty pleasure to me so I didn’t really feel any urgency to watch it live but I’ll definitely watch if I’m up at 2 in the morning and it’s on. After watching the show I wanted to get the reactions of others who follow the show more closely and may have caught something I missed or has a unique insight into the show. My first stop was Racialicious where they hold a round table who live blogs the show and has great commentary, this however stuck in my craw a bit.

Tami: So…they’re going for the murderous closeted gay man/gay sexual predator combo? For all the kudos this show gets for diversity, it sure treats marginalized people like shit.

Some background, Steve Newlin was a murderous psychopath who preached hate of vampires before he was killed and turned into a vampire after which he came out of the closet. The scene that Tami is reacting to is the now Gay Vampire Rev. Steve Newlin trying to force himself upon Jason Stackhouse and here’s my problem with the quote. Everyone who’s attracted to men on the show tries to get with Jason Stackhouse later in the episode he walks into a party and women literally just start taking their clothes off. So of course Steve Newlin is going to try to force himself upon the guy. Steve Newlin has been well established as a psychopath. Since he’s been on the show you knew that he had no qualms about murdering people so why would he have any about raping a guy who had sex with his wife?

Why this innocuous quote bothers me is because it betrays a certain predilection progressive intellectuals have toward making oppressed groups into saints to insure their acceptance into mainstream society. Here’s another example

“Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.”

― Tina Fey, Bossypants

I understand why people think this is a good quote, homophobes regularly worry about someone “turning” them gay so naturally the reaction is to assert that doesn’t ever happen. Because gay people just aren’t interested in straight people but that’s not quite true is it. Gay people, like all people, are attracted to who they’re attracted to. If they like someone who is heterosexual they may still try to pursue that relationship. This is normal human behavior it doesn’t mean that gay people are out to get straight people it means they’re attracted to who they’re attracted to. Some people may respect that someone isn’t interested, others will be more reckless but either response isn’t a judgement upon the LGBTQ community but when Tina Fey asserts that it doesn’t happen then it makes it easier to keep that train of thought going. In our rush to assuage the fears of others we are dehumanizing LGBTQ people too. We do it in a different way prescribing attributes and qualities to promote an ideal that no especially large and diverse group can possible live up to which not only makes progressives look either naïve or disingenuous but forces gay folk into being a representative for their whole community all the time and while some are up to the task I’m sure a good many will fall far from the ideal.

I understand it, heck, I do it myself. I shook my head at the Crispy Chicken Mary J. Blige commercial. Having a balanced and fair representation in the media is important and I understand why we’d like oppressed groups to be “perfect victims” but all we do when we do that is betray a certain insecurity in our arguments. Trayvon Martin is a victim regardless of his past, LGBTQ people deserve full rights regardless of potential rapists, murderers or jerks among them.

The KKK Chapter in Georgia feels like they’re discriminated against. They’ve been denied an “Adopt A Highway” program in Georgia because of their history, ideology, and the fact that not too many people really want them around. The Daily Intel‘s Dan Amira has the rundown with the whiniest KKK quotes possible from April Chambers.

“I don’t see why we can’t (adopt the stretch of highway),” she said. “Would it be any different if it was the Black Panthers or something? Someone always has some kind of race card.”

We are through the looking glass here people although it should be no surprise that even people who voluntarily decided to join the Ku Klux Klan feel as if they are the real victims. It’s the perfect incident to view the inversion of actual grievances into a political, and publicity tactic in order to insulate from actual criticism or charges of racial bias. We’ve reached the point where the “the only racists are reverse racists” movement has moved beyond parody.

x-posted @ TheYBC

Projection and the trivialization of racial inequality continues apace. Since the height of the Civil Rights Movement there has been a backlash that has taken the thought that black people have just been “playing the victim”. This line of thinking has led many to believe that legitimate concerns are just tools to be deployed to cow opposition which has been adopted wholesale by conservatives in order to advance their agenda. This cynicism in the face of legitimate suffering has impeded the ability of our nation to move past inequalities that persist to this day.

- C.S.

x-posted @ TheYBC