You Gotta Have That Paper To Ride This Ride

16 Nov

On the actual Thread, we have had various discussions about our potential life mates. The process of finding a husband or wife isn’t always an easy task. If we admit it or not, we all have our “Better Half Checklist”. I know I personally do, and I’ll let you in on some of the qualifications (some practical and some superficial. I’m not the one to sugarcoat or hide the real deal) on my list:

  1. A God Fearing Man
  2. Above 6 Feet
  3. Extremely Assertive
  4. Hilarious
  5. A College Graduate.
  6. When discussing this list with my peers, I’ve gotten a lot of flack from the last criteria on my list. I do understand that some of the smartest and most successful people have never had a formal education. I also understand that my dream man, Idris Elba, doesn’t have any type of shingles hanging from his walls, but this personal requirement comes with substance from testimonials, analyzation, and even as far as trial and error.

    Since graduating college, out of the four guys I’ve casually dated (and I mean JUST DATED you nasty minded people!!!) two have been college graduates and two have attempted a college education but never finished. I have to admit that I saw a difference in the relationships. Even though we attended separate schools, there was always that higher education connection that I had with the two men that had degrees. There was a kindred experience we shared that linked us with a four to five year process, a completion of what is said to be the hardest degree you will ever earn in your life.

    With the other two men, our relationships were significantly different. There was always a battle of understanding when it came to our conversations whether they were intellectual or casual. A lot of our discussions would turn into arguments because of miss interpretation of our beliefs or the process of our analyzations (if the dudes even analyzed anything at all).

    It is MY belief that this comes from their lack of the complete college experience. College is an incubator that allows you to grow slowly into adulthood. We have professors and advisors that closely watch our development and challenge us to be better than we were the day before. College is the place where we get a chance to fail miserably and not have it (in most cases) taint the rest of our lives. It is a calculated time that gives you permission to “find yourself”. Some things “The School of Hard Knocks” doesn’t necessarily have. Passing all the tests, and checking everything off our list, we’ve worked steadfast and completed a goal that many start but NOT many finish.

    Of course I acknowledge that there are other aspects to a relationship, but I also understand, in my opinion, that this significant difference causes a huge hindrance on other parts of a relationship as well. So am I wrong for making a college degree a concrete requirement for the future father of my child? Am I alone in this struggle?

    Here are some questions I have as you all conjure up your opinions:

    1. What are your thoughts about the credentials to engage in a meaningful romantic relationship?
    2. Do you think there’s a difference when it comes to men and women and education statuses?
    3. Is the power structure shifted if one partner is college educated, and the other is not?
    4. Are college educated and “school of hard knocks” people in different social classes even though they make the same amount of money?
    5. What do you think is so significant about the college process that may cause a rift between the ones who have and have not experienced it?
    6. Would you consider a person that has a certain amount of education (hours) as mate even though they have not finished their degree?
    7. Is there a similar discussion between a person with only a bachelor’s degree and someone with a post-baccalaureate degree?
    8. How do you feel moral standards play a part in the difference in education?



Posted by on November 16, 2010 in Relationships, Uncategorized


4 responses to “You Gotta Have That Paper To Ride This Ride

  1. Tj

    November 17, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    Lol @ “That Paper.” I get it!

    As a man, I think my analysis is a bit different, but I’m not hatin on my sistas who need “that paper.” I’m not mad at this at all…

  2. primemeridian11

    November 17, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    (Long stream of conscious comment below. You’ve been warned.)

    I find nothing wrong with having standards. Sometimes people don’t have enough of them. Equally yoked is more than just a spiritual thing and sometimes people forget how much it matters. However, I don’t think it’s the degrees that matter as much as the intellectual stimulation. If you did not go to college, but are still handling your business and can challenge me intellectually then we are good.

    As a college educated woman, pursuing a post graduate degree, I find it hard to really engage intellectually with a lot of people though. Mainly because the level of analysis either pisses people off or frustrates them to the point of not wanting to talk anymore. I’ve battled this for a while and I’ve found that it is a give and take. I don’t think people with degrees should or need to flex their intellectual muscles all the time. Sometimes, education can be dangerous if it causes people to intellectualize themselves out of the simplicity of life. Everything just ain’t that deep.

    Also, sometimes people with degrees from different universities create an issue too. Going to a PWI gave me a very unique experience that some people do not understand. My BF and I had this problem in the beginning. He was definitely intellectually stimulating and he definitely challenged me in that area, but he didn’t understand the cultural gap. He went to a very diverse school where the Black community was not tight because they did not have to be. There were enough of them to go around, so we battled about militancy and all that. I say all this to say that the merging of experiences can create some problems whether people are degreed up or not.

    So basically, degrees don’t necessarily make my list because that’s not what I am really looking for. What is important to me is to have a scholar who actively engages in depth learning and provides intellectual conversations. However, if someone has the degree requirement (for whatever reason), that’s their prerogative. Do What You Want.

  3. justinfication

    November 17, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    I know that you didn’t necessarily list your requirements in order of importance. But that first criteria means so much to me.

    Let me list what I “think” my list is. I put “think”, cause beyond the first two points… I’m compromisable.

    1. God-fearing, God-worshipping, Salvation-pursing woman
    Not much I can put on it beyond this title. But I’ve realized how important this trait is to me. Note to matchmakers/ my mama: This doesn’t mean that all Christian women are applicable. Personalities and interests DO have to be compatable. However, as one that claims to be Christian and expect to marry a Christian, I need a woman who shares my Christian doctrine and woman that I practice my faith with. That kind of compatability… I can’t put to any kind of checklist. I’m running on faith for that one. through divine intervention, I’m just expecting it to happen one day.

    But since my faith is the most important thing to me, it’s the top quality I look for. And it’s a trait, to me, which is the most attractive and interesting and arousing.

    2. Family Oriented
    This kind of lines up with #1. But for someone whom I plan to raise a family with, I would like to know that they have a compatable sense of family. There’s a certain way I envision running my household, raising my kids [yes, I’ve thought about this], and I would need someone in synce with that. Ain’t gonna work if she doesn’t want to have kids. Ain’t gonna work if she doesn’t believe in disciplining kids and wants to raise some free-spirited hippie children.

    Seriously, this must be kown before I put a ring on it.

    3. Work Ethic/Ambitious
    Can she get things done, or just talk about it?

    On the other end, Does she have a good work/life balance? I understand you got to hustle…but do you pursue a balance?

    Why so serious?

    Poor baby.... both of you

    4. Gully
    Does she know how to enjoy life? How does she carry herself? Are you generally happy/content?


    No Debbie Downers!

    No, Ma'm!

    5. Personal upkeeping
    Does she take care of herself? does she have pride in her appearance?

    This embodies diet, exercise, hygiene, etc.
    Go 'head then

    Brush ya teeth--Daily!


    6. Legs!
    You betta stop!

    7. “You like cheese in your eggs, Justin?”
    What's cookin, baby?
    Note: She doesn’t have to cook in heels…all the time. And I do like cheese in my eggs.

    8. Can you keep up with me on the dance floor?

    To address your post @utpipeline, I know education is a factor for intellectual compatability. I would love someone who appreciates knowledge and learning. Unlike you, I haven’t come to a situation where it’s been an issue. I’ll go on record to say that ‘not having a degree’ is not a ‘game over’ situation.

    Despite the stereotypical mantra, I feel that the best way to truly attract anyone is through their mind. Some folks it’s spiritual. Some folks it’s intellectual. Some folks it’s their ego. Some folks need for there to be a mixture of the sort.

    We’ll see what I end up with. LOL!

  4. realist23

    November 17, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    Ya know, I was going to leave a detailed comment, but Justinfication has taken the cake (homemade). Wow. The interactive dancers…I-I got nothing. I will say that I feel you, though, Warnessa.


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