In my experiences, the biggest difference between relationships that don’t work and those that do is the amount of sacrifice each side makes. Now, full disclosure, I’ve been on both sides of the lines I seek to draw today. I’ve been the one giving too much, and I’ve also been the one not giving enough. Either way, those relationships were doomed from jump. Let me explain:
Think for a second about your past/current relationship(s). I’d assume that most of you can actually think back and remember the differences in the amount of “yourself” you gave each particular person. (I dont necessarily mean sex, though that may or may not be an issue, as I’ll address later). This is directly proportional to how we value ourselves versus how we value the other person. If your self value is low, and you highly value the other person, you are more prone to treat them like the queen/king that they may or may not be (but most likely arent) (Note: This is by no means a problem exclusive to those with low self-confidence, it’s just an illustration). However, if their perception is that your value is (relatively) low and theirs is high(er), they will only be good to you when its convenient for them. However, when it comes time for a few sacrifices, they’ll be unwilling to make them. We’ve all seen this before. Its human nature. We all do this in all of our social relationships, and at the end of the day, you really cant blame your significant other. They might not be acting selfishly at all; it may instead be a case of your value being a lot lower than you think (or at least to them).
Now, I’m no economist or sociologist for that matter, but I’m a realist (at times) and an optimist most other times. We all need to be keenly aware of this phenomenon when choosing who we want to settle down with. If the person you are dating/talking to/whatever is not making even minor sacrifices for you, you have two options: 1) Move on to greener pastures or 2) find some way to show them your true value. (Note: #2 is not impossible, but its a hard uphill battle. You may wanna make sure this person is even worth that fight…)
To illustrate, I’ll use two things that (in my opinion) take absolutely no effort whatsoever on the part of your significant other, but mean the world to you. Every relationship has these things on both sides. These are the CLEAREST indicators of the value that someone places on you. I’ll start with my ladies first, but by no means is this limited to women. We all know that there are two things that women love; SHOES (“Women be SHOPPIN!!!” (c) Chappelle) and COMPLIMENTS.
Now fellas, you might not approve of me saying this, but if you are already dating someone, you HAVE to like SOMETHING about them (right?). Its for this reason that giving compliments takes absolutely no effort on your part. I love to get compliments and generally, I find them easy to give. However, I know a lot of females that complain about their significant other, saying that “he never tells me I’m pretty” or “he never gives me compliments.” This is a clear example of a dude who doesn’t value you very highly, and you should probably hit the road. If you are dumb enough to hang around and allow him NOT to make sacrifices, he’ll keep you around because its convenient. But if you’re willing to go to hell and back for a guy and he wont even tell you your hair looks nice? I’ll leave that alone…
(Note: We are all adults here. My point about sex is coming (NPI)…you’ve been forewarned)
Now, lets switch sides. There are also a lot of young, talented, great guys out there dealing with women who aren’t worth a damn and don’t value these dudes as they should. Before the women get angry, I’m not saying that sex itself takes no effort (if you are doing it right…that’s another post), so fellas, DON’T go telling ya girl that I said she doesn’t value you because she wont have sex with you 20 times a week. However, there are sexual acts of intimacy that a woman can do for you that take very little effort on her part, and can be done even when she isn’t “in the mood”… (No fellas…not that…that takes effort too)
For example, if you are over her crib, and yall wake up in the morning, its likely she’s gonna wanna cuddle. Its also likely that yall cuddled all through the night, and while she slept like a baby, you tried to find a way to escape the prison of her cuddling so you could roll over and actually sleep (now that’s a sacrifice right there…) So, whats wrong with her giving you a little bit of “hand love” in the morning to say thank you! How much effort does that take? She can just practice on one of these! Little to no effort! Now, fellas, if you have told your woman time and time again that you enjoy a little “hand love” in the morning and she’s on some bullshit, I propose that this is a pretty sure-fire sign that she doesn’t value you very highly.
Its all about reciprocity (a favorite word of ours on the thread). If I’m giving you 40% and you are giving me 100%, you should definetly leave me. It’ll never last. Sooner or Later you’ll start to feel cheated, and it’ll all come “crashing down.” The opposite also holds true. As I said before, I’ve been on both sides. When I was the “taker,” its not like I didn’t value those young ladies at all. Quite the contrary, but if you are the man of someone’s dreams and you just find them to be cool, but also don’t feel like they are “The One” (another thread term), you owe it to them to end it. Also, if you THINK you’ve found your soulmate, but your gut tells you that you aren’t the person they are looking for, don’t try to change that fact. Instead, go find someone who feels as strongly about you as you feel about them. Reciprocity is a beautiful thing. Now get out there and find someone to compliment in the morning while they give you handjobs.
“The morning good…”