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Relationships For Dummies 101

29 Nov

Many people have their theories on relationships and how to make them work. I’m of the school of thought that everything in life is made simple, but it is human nature to complicate it. We’re always making the issue seem larger than what it really is.

A relationship has three main components

  • The personalities involved
  • The assumptions/expectations they have for each other
  • The reconciliation of those expectations when they’re not met

These components apply to platonic as well as intimate relationships.

The work we put into relationships will have to do with one of these three issues. If it’s with component #1 (the personality of your partner), you might as well cut the relationship short now.

If you don’t date out of your race, don’t consider baby-daddies or non-degreed individuals, that issue would fall here. The idea is that you wouldn’t build on a relationship with somebody who you just don’t like… so you shouldn’t.

YinYang
If it can’t work together, then it can’t work.

If you cannot accept the other for who they are, chances are you will always be upset, or they will never be happy while trying to pretend they are somebody else. The idea is to find somebody who compliments who you are and what you do, that way you’ll want to keep them around.

If the relationship effort is related to component #2 (the expectations you have of your partner or vice versa), a conversation MUST be had. This conversation should serve to point out what is safe to assume, what should they expect, what shouldn’t they expect, and what expectations you simply don’t agree with. One of these expectations is usually “to be happy (with each other)”. Most conflicts arise when somebody doesn’t “hold their end up” in relation to what is expected… sometimes those expectations just aren’t clear.

If you (don’t) want it, make sure they know…

Have you ever found that you could never keep your partner satisfied? They always wanted more, but you didn’t know exactly what they wanted? Or maybe they want less from you and feel overwhelmed by the attention you give to the relationship…

If the expectations never get clearer, or they just become unacceptable… it is safe to stop investing in the relationship… just be sure to let your partner know, don’t string them along.

Component #3 and #2 work similarly, in that communication is the only solution. When somebody falls short of a clear expectation, usually there is a very irate party in the relationship. They will complain and point out everything you did “wrongly” if they know that you know what “right” is.

At the end of the conversation there should be a solution. If each party’s objective is to be heard and not to come up with a way to fix the issue, the relationship is considered to be unhealthy. After all, if your objective is to be happy and enjoy the relationship, you wouldn’t want to wallow in conflict in its duration.

If you don't want to be together… then don't.

Nobody should want to argue just to argue, or even to “win” the argument. If your solution to the issue is for your partner to appear to be the loser, then how can you win together?

If your goal is to have your partner focus on their past mistakes, what good does that do to build for the future?

If one party wants to mend the issues, and the other just wants you to admit that you’re a “sorry” individual, what does that do to the confidence that each has in the other.

If you find that there is no solution, or a party is unwilling to discuss a solution, the relationship is doomed to remain unhealthy or to terminate.

These are SIMPLE rules. If everybody made things simple, disagreements would be simple, and thus the decision-making process of finding a new solution should be simple as well.

KING’S LAW: Keep it simple, unless you want to make it hard on yourself.

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6 Comments

Posted by on November 29, 2010 in Relationships, Social Life

 

6 responses to “Relationships For Dummies 101

  1. MichaelYoungHistory

    November 29, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    Good stuff!

     
  2. Typo-Critical

    November 29, 2010 at 8:12 PM

    Well said. Communication is definitely the key to any healthy relationship, but you hit the nail on the head reminding us that a “conversation had” that doesn’t end up reaching a SOLUTION, is a pointless conversation.

    I feel like these days, relationships fail because people talk at, and not with. It’s like you said: we complicate something that should be very simple (communication). But because we’re more concerned with being right than reaching a compromise or solution, attempts at communication always fail, arguments become heated and loaded with unnecessary slugs, and you always end up going to bed mad (which for a lucky few, does admittedly set the tone for makeup sex).

    Great post, though. I think this will make a lot of people consider how they conduct their conversations especially with their significant others.

     
  3. justinfication

    November 29, 2010 at 11:30 PM

    Well… to keep it simple, I think the thing is that most folks just don’t know what they want.

    And as you essentially implied, that’s a difficult thing to do because they are so many preferences on so many facets that have to be workable for a relationship to be functional/worthwhile.

    And if it makes sense. I feel both partners in a relationships have to expose their “difficulties” to help achieve “simplicity” between them. In other words, someone would have to open up to the other. And that takes time and trust and blah, blah, blah…

    We’re all chasing peace and a balance. And “the [devil]’s everywhere”, tryin’ mess the up. And some of us just don’t know how to get back to [simple].

    If only we were Sims, or Gigapets…

    And by [devil], that’s all inclusive; including things the individuals do.

    We’re all chasing [simplicity].

     
    • Typo-Critical

      November 30, 2010 at 12:28 AM

      LMAO. But Sims cheat, too! At least with them, everything’s forgiven after two dates and a “Whoo-Hoo.”

       
  4. YouHeardItHereFirst

    November 30, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    I like this post on relationships! Communication is emphasized, as it should be! The tough thing for girls, though, is the dreaded *DTR. Not many men will bring it up first, so it’s the waiting game. Who’s going to bring it up? How long should you talk to someone before you have it? How do you bring it up? What if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to? The DTR can quite possibly be the most difficult, dramatic, and dreadful part about transitioning from talking/friendship to relationship, or not. Any tips for females approaching the subject?

    *DTR = Determine The Relationship.

     

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