Now earlier I touted the positives of letting your guard down and being emotionally honest with someone you truly care about and really deserves it. Now I’m going to help you identify when someone doesn’t. Also I will be doing so from the male perspective because that’s all I know.
We’ve all been there before there is that girl you’ve just met who looks absolutely beautiful. This is where the problem starts.If you are like me and you are a bit idealistic you have probably created a narrative in your head about this young woman‘s personality based upon how sweet she looks, you probably assume that she might be interested in a guy like yourself cause you’re a nice guy and not an asshole that you hear so many women complain about. That is your first mistake. You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you but you’ve already created a mental link that doesn’t exist. It is unconscious but powerful. You’ve idealized some person you don’t even know. This will lead to issues. You approach her, make her laugh, and strike up a conversation this may lead to one of these outcomes.
Scenario 1. If Only She Knew
Your newfound friend will have a boyfriend with whom she is totally content with. Just kidding because no one is totally content with what they have. She complains about her boyfriend and you think cool I’ll just show her I could be a better man and then she’ll be mine. One problem though that’s not your woman and there is a reason. You find yourself becoming the shoulder to cry on. Boyfriend is a jerk who treats her like dirt. While the truth is probably much less extreme that is the impression you’ll get. Next thing you know you’re taking to your tumblr to complain about how unfair it is that nice guys always finish last and you’d be doing this, that, and the third for this woman if she only gave you a chance. But that’s bull. Her boyfriend doesn’t have some sort of mind control over her that is making her stay. If she is with that man it is because she wants to be, for whatever reason. Stop being the emotional side piece and move on.
Scenario 2. Why Won’t She Give Me A Shot?
She doesn’t have a boyfriend but she’s “not looking for a relationship with anyone now”. Soon y’all grow closer and after about a month or so you make your move only to be rebutted with the “I just like where we are at” death knell. Ouch welcome back to the Friend Zone. You plead your case only to meet the “I don’t want to ruin what we have wall”, damn. You continue your courtship because you want her to see how good you are. Y’all are like a couple except you get no action and its sad because its clear to everyone that you are crushing on this young woman including her. If you have some real friends they’ll tell you that she’s stringing you along and you’re coming off kind of like a sucker. She gets a new boyfriend and you plunge into an existential crisis. You thought you were on-deck but once again that was never your woman. Don’t let someone put you on a back burner show some pride and walk away when it is clear that she doesn’t think you are good enough to be booed up with.
3. Ladies are Pimps too
Yes old girl gave you some play. Y’all exchange numbers, get flirty, and you grow excited. Pretty soon you’re going on dates and attending some functions together. Then a pattern starts to emerge. You are always coming out your pocket and going out of your way but there seems to be a lack of reciprocation. Maybe even y’all have biblical relations but you start to notice that this relationship is completely one way. Next thing you know you’re paying for hairdo’s and shoes. Then despite what you believed was an “understanding” you hear that this woman is “talking to” a couple of dudes. You ask her about it and she either lies or hit you with the “yeah…and?”, you’re faced with a decision you really don’t want to make. Either let her go and miss her great personality, humor, body, or whatever it is about her that has you wide open or let it slide. If you choose the former then keep it G and don’t cry over spilled milk, she played you plain and simple take the L like a man and don’t get all bitter about it. If you really like her though, and I mean really like her do not ever choose the latter. You’ll end up here.
Yeah I took it to Shakespeare. The woman you’ve idealized and adored has committed to you and you are ecstatic. Everything is rose petals. You do your best to please your woman in every way possible. There is something off about this dynamic though. You find yourself walking on eggshells worrying about her leaving you. She does what she wants and you do what you can. Next thing you know she has a guy friend that you know nothing about except that he exists or she wants to stay friends with her last man and you can’t find the ability to deny her. Not too big of a red flag but all of a sudden she can’t seem to pay attention to you for longer than five minutes at a time. You notice that the intimacy is gone. You’ve been cuckolded, look it up, except you refuse to see the truth yourself. Finally something drastic happens that forces you to admit it. I’m sorry to say brother but that is not your woman. Move on and try not to be too hurt about it. You can try to work it out but you better be sure that you both really want to. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in the position of having to watch for signs constantly.
What is the common thread in all the above scenarios, self-delusion. When you have to convince yourself to stay the woman of your affection realize that is not your woman. The best thing to do is keep it moving after you’ve been disappointed. Some men become bitter and try to take that feeling out on other women by making them feel the same way. That’s stupid. Quit catching feelings if you can’t take the bad with the good.