I apologize in advance if any of my language appears particularly brash. But I’ve come to realize that Snoop Dogg was wrong: we DO love them hoes.
I mean, what other explanation is there for a society that champions and celebrates those who go on television shows claiming they’re looking for love, but are really just seeking out that celebrity lay? (I say this, admittedly as a former faithful watcher of “For the Love of Ray J” and member of #TeamChardonnay smh. I know, y’all, I know.)
Or, when a self-proclaimed “SuperHead” publishes three books boasting of her exploits with
Shaq and Brandy’s little brother professional athletes and not-quite-talented people in the music industry, that not only make it onto The New York Times bestseller list, but also are being considered for TV adaptation?
Somewhere along the way, it became “okay” to be promiscuous and out in the open about it. I’m not so much talking about people involved in pornography, but people you and I may both know in real life who subscribe to the view that that kind of “fame” is worth being well-known for.
I refuse to paint the picture that it’s just women who fit this description.There is a prevailing argument that men can’t be hoes because women have the most sexual agency when it comes to consensual relations; after all, women are the ones at risk of getting pregnant, right? And women bear the lovely double standard of needing to be attractive and sexually appealing while also remaining demure and chaste, right? Not to mention if this is your 15th time appearing on Maury… you may STILL not know “who the father is,” but by now the entire country knows
But, in all seriousness, men are just as sexually active. Just because men are “expected” to have many sexual conquests or are championed for it, doesn’t take away from the fact that they can be
hoes overtly promiscuous, too. The current poster children for overtly promiscuous men include – but are far from limited to – Eliot Spitzer and Travis Henry. Oh, and that dude who likes to think he’s a Martian, but who remains partial to Earth girls. Case in point: “hoe-ism” is an equal opportunity employer. It does not discriminate on the basis of gender, sex, race, or national origin.
Color me old-fashioned, but I imagine that, back in the day, such infamy – or perhaps, inf-HO-my, is more applicable here – was not so proudly displayed. Or at least back then, that promiscuity wasn’t all up in one’s face. Let’s make use here of a hypothetical couple, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and a single woman named Miss Adams. Back then, people were aware that Miss Adams was sleeping with a very-married Mr. Jones; but Miss Adams wasn’t all up in Mrs. Jones’s face about it.
This type of situation in the modern day would likely translate to Miss Adams getting very fed up with being the “sideline,” and when Mr. Jones didn’t hear her demands, she’d go as far as showing up at the Smiths’ house or even Mrs. Jones’s job to claim “her man.” If these people were famous, then the media would blow up with stories about Mr. Jones’s infidelity or paint a picture of Miss Adams as a “homewrecker.” And we – the general public – would eat that up. We have already in many ways. If you were one of the many who tracked the Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston affair, or the Alicia Keys-Swizz Beatz-Mashonda affair… you know you were practically checking the blog rolls every day. You were eating that up, weren’t you? Oh, you’re trying to tell me you didn’t? You didn’t even jump on the “Gabrielle Union’s a homewrecker” movement, huh? Oh okay.
I say all this to say, I really do wish we could go back to the times when we didn’t give people who were overtly promiscuous such a pass, as though such behavior is acceptable. A friend of mine talked to me the other day about if it would even be possible to “label” those people amongst us who are overtly promiscuous. But as I told him, I would venture that if we went about trying to “brand” the “hoes” amongst us in an act of public shaming, that would still go wrong because people today would be attracted to as opposed to repulsed by that scarlet letter – guys seeking a quick sexual fix would gravitate to those bearing it immediately, while ladies seeking attention in the worst ways (e.g., Morpheus’s daughter, aka the “adult” Cheetah girl) would think acquisition of that status would make them more attractive (albeit to the wrong people and at the potential cost of their dignity and self-worth).
The only way to combat this, is to stop giving these promiscuous people so much attention. We may be entertained by their misadventures or even want to berate them to feel better about ourselves. But when we mention their very names or a certain video they’ve appeared in, we give more fuel to their respective fires and literal thirst for attention. And when the majority of society is talking less about, say, First Lady Michelle Obama (a woman who contributes something positive to society), and more about Katherine Stacks (who may have contributed, at best, an STD or three), then it’s pretty much like I said: we do love these hoes.