Seeing as how this is my first post to the blog and the fact that I felt the need to flat out copy Typo-critical (why reinvent the wheel?), I figure an introduction is a necessary preface to this entry. I am Embossme: amateur writer, professional Black woman, charming, attractive & single *winks. I think that says enough without saying too much.
I promise I’m getting better. No, really I am! There used to be a time when I would act a FOOL when a random guy would approach me trying to “holla”. My nose would turn up, I would immediately put on my “Ni**a please” face, cock my neck to the side and say “What?!” in my best hood-chic voice. Unfortunately this well rehearsed scene never worked, even when executed to perfection “he” would STILL try and get my number. I have to admit that some guys were really sweet, polite, and even respectful and truly didn’t deserve my candor; while others were rude, offensive, and just downright ratchet. The latter would usually approach me with “Saaay lil mama…” and that would be my cue (lights camera action!) Please note that these kinds of greetings vary based on region. I grew up in the Midwest and back then it was “Hey Shorty”, but during my three year hiatus on the East Coast it was “Sup ma?” I remember once while in DC this guy approached me and said “Sup Ma, do you taste as good as you look?!” needless to say I was appalled.
One would assume that surely 99% of these encounters happened when I was rocking freshly perm’d, colored, and cut hair with a banging outfit, flawless makeup and glossy lips… Wrong! For some reason men love to approach me when I look like hell. Point blank I hate being holla’d at by randoms.
Who knew that one day I’d be the “random” trying to holla at some dude…
I was running late to my girl’s graduation, but I desperately needed lip gloss. Two nights before the graduate-to- be was at my house rambling about what she was going to wear and I felt a little pressure to fix up. My outfit was cute but my lips weren’t popping so I decided to stop by the MAC store on my way to campus.
So, there I was at the Domain searching for a parking space when I spotted a cutie in the distance. My immediate thought was “I’llllll maarry you” (cue Coming to America). He had a buttery brown complexion, nice build (Ice Cube-ish), he was well dressed (key give-away that he wasn’t from ATX) and he was rocking a well groomed taper & beard… I LOVE a man with a tight edge up…That was it, this dude was toast. I swerved into the first parking space I could find, jumped out of my car and power walked (in heels) faster than Richard Simmons to catch up to him, unfortunately he was nowhere in sight. I was a little disappointed but quickly recovered. On my way out of the lot I COULD have taken the closest exit, but I decided to go the long way in an effort to “accidently” roll up on ole boy. I pulled up to the stop sign and low and behold there he was!
I looked. He looked. I punk’d out and drove away!
Luckily my BFF Shaw hit me up as I was leaving & demanded that I go back and at least speak to the man. I thought to myself “You know the rules, Demetria (Essence R/S Editor & creator of the “Cutie Run” Belle) said to smile & say hello.” I drove back ignoring the voice in my head that screamed “This is desperate, do NOT do this!” I spot him walking in my direction and realized that I would have to alter this “Cutie Run” given that I was in my car. I pulled up, rolled down my window and the conversation went as follows:
Me: Hey, umm can you come here for a second?
Him: *finger pointed to chest* who me?
Me: Yes you, come here for one second?
He walked over and leaned down into my window… his skin was flawless & his eyes were gorgeous *fans self*, before I could explain my antics I realized that my car was filthy and I lost a little confidence.
Me: I promise I’m not stalking you *nervous laugh* but I saw you walking and I thought you were really cute um…are you umm…single?
Him: *smiles* yea actually I am single… but I live in Dallas
Me: Really? What brings you to Austin?
Him: I’m here for my Frat brother’s graduation
Me: Ahh so you pledged? Do you mind me asking what you pledged?
Him: * Flashes those pearly whites again* Take a guess?
Me: Please tell me you’re not a Kappa? (Long story)
Him: Lol Nope
Me: *smiles* Oh so you’re an Alpha (there’s no way he was a Sigma, different swag)
I secretly thanked God… I like Alphas & Omegas (no pun)
Me: Okay cold & cocky! **he loved that.
He smiles. I smile.
We continue with our flirty small talk for several minutes…
Me: Well look I’m running late to my girl’s graduation so I have to go, but my cell phone number is on the back of this card, if you think about it hit me up sometime!
Him: Cool, it was great meeting you… I’m gonna hit you up tonight *he smiles*
Me: okay cool *HUGE Kool-Aid smile*
When I drove off I prayed that he didn’t read the “wash me” sign that was written on my back window. This is SO sad, and I’m embarrassed to say… but when I first drove up and rolled my window down I was tempted to start with “Say Lil Daddy…”
** The guy mentioned in this post turned out to be an awesome person. During our third date he admitted that he was absolutely flattered by my approach and very attracted to my confidence. Most of my male friends who heard this story applauded me and said they’d love for a woman to approach them in a classy way (like rolling up on them in a dirty 2001 Honda ha!). However, most of my female friends disagreed and argued that approaching any man comes off as desperate.