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Creep (in all senses of the word)

30 Dec

I’ve been struggling with blog topics because I told myself that I didn’t want my next entry to be about love and relationships. But after this incident, I knew I had to post.

It all started earlier this year. One evening, I was expecting a phone call. So, while in Bible Study, my phone rang, and I excused myself to pick it up. This phone call was far from what I was expecting. There was a young  lady on the other end asking if I knew a certain guy. She proceeded  to get upset when I told her she was calling the wrong person and that all question she had needed to be directed towards her alleged boyfriend. I just thought it wasn’t my place to discuss the status of her pseudo relationship. The real deal was I knew exactly who he was. This was the guy that had been promising me the world, but  I knew he never could give it to me because of his troubles with dropping the “e” before adding “ing”; and she was indirectly informing me that during the course of our off and on casual dating, he had a girlfriend all along. I confronted him, and he told me that she was just a girl he was kicking it with… for four years. Yeah… I knew exactly what he was doing. He was telling her she was the only one while trying to make plans with me.

As mean as I am, I’m a sucker for second (and third and fourth and fifth) chances. No more than a few months later, he was back throwing out promises. I knew I wasn’t interested, but the free meals didn’t hurt! Plus, his fallout with the girl was facebook literature! Awhile later, as he tried to persuade me to be his future wife, things seemed all too familiar, so I decided to traveled to his facebook page to investigate. I didn’t have to dig far. Actually I didn’t have to dig at all. His recent update said it all. He was back in a relationship with the telephone bandit.

This rerun episode cause me to really wonder why do people cheat, and more specifically, why do people cheat in a nothing to lose, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? Now, I understand there are situations where cheating is more logical than other options. I’m not saying I agree with them, but I understand the logic. For example, the man or woman who feels trapped in their marriage especially in Texas and California since they’re community property states. I could even give a small leeway to ONE unplanned one-night stand… very small leeway! But I don’t get the people who serially cheat on someone when all they have to do is break it off with them.

Why promise someone a commitment when you don’t want to be committed? What has that person done to you that you must continue to sell them false hopes and dreams about the future? Are you afraid the person is going to find someone better? If so, that selfishness is disturbing and inexcusable.

I recalled this poor girl angry on the phone with me because she knew she was going to be his wife. High hopes with low standards. SMH! The guy got upset with me because I told him that he should stop cheating because it seems like that girl really liked and was dedicated to him. He continued to deny the relationship. Either he’s a stupid liar, or he thinks that I’m the dumbest person on the planet.

“In a relationship” on facebook probably wouldn’t have meant as much if I never would have gotten that phone call, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the legitimate reasons why he continues to pass out wolf tickets to a show that doesn’t exist. I never asked to be the other woman, and I would never want to disrespect someone else’s relationship. Plus, I feel like he’s disrespected me by unwilling putting me in this uncompromising situation.

From this experience, I have some  questions:

1. What would you do if someone called you to confront you about dating his or her boyfriend/girlfriend?

2. Can you tell when someone’s cheating on you?

3. Would you call a suspicious number you found in your significant other’s phone?

4. How much weight does a facebook relationship have?

5. Have you ever cheated? If so, why?

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6 Comments

Posted by on December 30, 2010 in Philosophy, Relationships

 

6 responses to “Creep (in all senses of the word)

  1. MichaelYoungHistory

    December 30, 2010 at 7:18 PM

    “dropping the “e” before adding “ing” <— I feel like this is a really clever way of saying something but I am not smart enough to get it. Or maybe you are just saying he has bad grammar?

    "I knew I wasn’t interested, but the free meals didn’t hurt!" <— hahahahah! WHOA!!! I respect the honesty though.

    If you was GANGSTA, you'd put his picture up!

    Ok, now to the heart of the matter: Why do people cheat instead of just leaving?

    Short answer: Nobody wants to be the "old nigga at the club." Sure, you might be getting attention from a few women at one time, but at some point that number could go to 0. This wont happen if you have someone at home. Everyone is scared of ending up alone. (this doesnt explain the cheating, just the not breaking up with ur gf/bf)

    1. LOL I hang up. I'm not down for phone beef.
    2. Yes and No…It depends.
    3. Hell no!
    4. It has alot of weight. If you are willing to tell everyone on the internet, it must be somewhat real, right?
    5.

    Long Answer:

     
  2. Realist23

    December 30, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    1. What would you do if someone called you to confront you about dating his or her boyfriend/girlfriend? Never been in this situation, but it depends on how dude came at me. I don’t completely understand confronting the other guy/girl before confronting the person two-timing you. The other person is just a by-product of the stupid shit your “boyfriend/girlfriend” is pulling.

    2. Can you tell when someone’s cheating on you? I’ve only been cheated on once and I sensed some things, but I was young and stupid back then. If I’m in a significant relationship, I would be able to tell. You have to be perceptive and observant, but the writing is usually on the wall.

    3. Would you call a suspicious number you found in your significant other’s phone? No! I find this to be juvenile, immature, Lifetime shit. First, I don’t believe in snooping in my gal’s phone. I find this to be a sign of insecurity and lack of trust. Second, I’m a grown ass man. I’m not about to call another dude about this shit. I’m going to take the issue up with her.

    4. How much weight does a facebook relationship have? I find this to be the end all, be all when it comes to relationships. It is the public proclamation to being together, so I think it holds a lot of weight. Personally, I don’t want people all in my business on Facebook. Those who need to know I’m in a relationship will know.

    5. Have you ever cheated? If so, why? No. However, I understand why people do. I don’t want to make this a gender thing because men and women cheat, but I think people either cheat because they can, they’re not getting all of their needs met, or both. Tyler Perry hit the nail on the head with that 80/20 thing.

    Love you, Pipeline!

     
  3. utpipeline

    December 30, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    @MichaelYoungHistory He literally doesn’t drop the “e” before “ing”!

    Love you, too Realist 23!

     
  4. primemeridian11

    December 30, 2010 at 9:42 PM

    I have been cheated on and it was after I spent 4 years building with the guy. It hurt, but it was very easy to move on. For some reason, I don’t have that resentment chip, but I also don’t have the maybe-it-was-just-a-mistake chip either. Truth is, I knew the girl he claimed to be his “best friend” had grew to more and I knew that I hadn’t made our newly long distance relationship easy for him. He did what a lot of men do, found solace with the girl who was presently stroking his ego.

    I would never call a number I found in his phone. Basically, if I looked at his phone (which I probably wouldn’t do) and found something suspicious, I would just have a conversation with him.

    From time to time my friends joke about taking my guy. I do not flinch when I respond, “If you can get him, you can have him.” Some people think that’s too flippant, but that’s sincerely how I feel. If someone else can get his attention then we didn’t really have anything in the first place. They would probably be doing me a favor to take him off my hands.

    Facebook? I struggled with this for a long time. I was with someone for a long time before I put up a relationship status. This was mainly because so many people had stigmatized “announcing” your relationship on facebook. It had somehow become lame to say who you were in a relationship with and the noticeably absent relationship status somehow meant you were above the norm. Then one day, I just decided to do what I want and I put it up. It felt liberating. Instantly, I got a flood of comments and pleasantries which let me know that it did carry a lot of weight. I didn’t mind though because I was in a good relationship. Now, I think some ppl should be more careful. Do not put up a relationship status if your relationship is fickle and you feel the need to change your status every time you have an argument. Then, I think it’s better to leave it blank.

     
  5. Tava

    December 31, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    1. I have been in a situation where the girlfriend of a guy I was merely friendly with, nothing physical or emotional. It was probably one of the funniest and most entertaining situations I have been in. She had done her research/snooping and had begun communicating with me via facebook. We then proceeded to have a phone conversation. One day while we were hanging out in the dorm I told them that I met his girlfriend and that she thinks that he is cheating on her. He then denied having a gf, so I called said gf on my phone so that the two of them could chat. He still denied that that was his gf to which she then began describing very personal and intimate interactions that they had. Long story short that is the only confrontation I have had of that sort. I think the fact that I wasn’t actually seeing this guy made it more of a humorous situation.

    2. Yes. Little behavior ticks and things that change. I think a lot of people also think that emotional cheating isn’t cheating, but in my opinion it’s far worse. I think more people are guilty of emotional cheating. I have only been cheated on once and he told me personally.

    3. No! If you look long enough for trouble you will eventually find it. And unless you know each of your significant others numbers in their phone, any number in there can be suspicious.

    4. I don’t know too many people that put their relationship status on facebook unless they are married or engaged. I do sometimes find it somewhat suspect when there is a couple that you know to be a couple and one of the people has that they are in a relationship and the other person has nothing. But I don’t think that putting your relationship status up on facebook carries any significance. Except for that it may be easier to get caught cheating.

    5. No.

     
  6. The King's Law

    January 3, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    1. What would you do if someone called you to confront you about dating his or her boyfriend/girlfriend?

    I’d say… “Your girl’s been doing some wrong-doings…”

    2. Can you tell when someone’s cheating on you?

    Yes, I can. Especially with women, you start to notice strong mood shifts an a sudden dirth of emotional involvment. Why? Because (generally) when women cheat, it’s not just for sex… and their emotions get tied into whoever they’re fuckin now…

    3. Would you call a suspicious number you found in your significant other’s phone?

    No, I confront(ed) her about it.

    4. How much weight does a facebook relationship have?

    No more than a twitter relationship. By putting your relationship out there for public consumption, your asking for their opinions, commentary, and support in your bond. I personally dont want, need, or like that shit.

    5. Have you ever cheated? If so, why?

    Yes, because I could get away with it. I’ve only cheated one time with the intent of looking for a new relationship. Otherwise it was just sex…

     

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