He Said/She Said: “Love Jones”

There is a nasty rumor going around that Tyler Perry wants to remake Love Jones. The mere thought of this chills me to my bones. It’s not just because it’s Tyler Perry, who we dedicated a post to; it’s because it’s Love Jones. For those people who really know me, you know that this movie has an immovable mansion in the depths of my soul. Darius Lovehall is the reason I embraced my love to write. Nina Mosley made me appreciate photography. Maxwell put me on to classic midnight ballads. The lighting in the movie showed me what artsy black movies look like. “The Sanctuary” has had me looking for a suitable substitute for years. “A Blues for Nina” has been my constant motivation to write my definitive work. It is with that that I got with my fellow Threader, primemeridian, to give you our third installment (here are one and two) of the “He Said/She Said” series.

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I Regret Nothing

I’m going to step off my beaten path for a minute if you don’t mind.  I’ve grown downright fond of this blog that we’ve got going.  I thank those of you who stop by religiously, sparingly, or curiously.  With that, I figure it’s time for me to open up just a bit. 

 

The Funeral

“There’s gonna be some/ slow singin’ and flower bringin’…”

Yesterday, I buried someone very close to me. Someone who I had grown up with and expected would be around for some time. As early as 2005, however, I began to suspect that the person’s death was inevitable. I put it off. I told myself the person would endure. I told myself the person would prove my worries wrong. In time my suspicions bore fruit. I was made all too aware of the person’s mortality.

Yesterday, my dream girl died.

I fit the very definition of a “sucka for love” (word to fellow Threadblogger chadstanton’s post). I bump “slow jams”/RnB so much more than I do even Lupe or Kanye. I consider myself a romantic. I used to believe in courting someone. If there was someone I was interested in at a given time, I gave that girl my full attention. I focused on establishing a relationship with a star player, as opposed to building a roster of people that were all talent, all glamour, but no longevity. Flowers. Tiff’s Treats. “Good morning” and “good night” texts. You name it, I dealt it out, or at least believed it would have a payoff (I still haven’t gotten that scholarship to The School of PDOS – or as King’s Law would say, The School of “People Don’t Owe You Shit”).

Fueling this behavior was my insistence in the idea of “my dream girl.” I’m not talking about my early crushes on Beyonce’ Knowles, Jada Pinkett, or Meagan Good (I don’t trust you if you just got put on “the hottest lips” (but most dumbed-down chick) in the game in the 2000s. I was down with Meagan Good beginning in Eve’s Bayou and carrying on into her brief legacy on Cousin Skeeter). I’m talking about my actual standards definition of what my dream girl was.

I was SO certain that my dream girl existed. I didn’t know what she looked like exactly; but at 14 years old, I knew she would be fair-skinned, would have brown or black eyes, would believe in God and go to church, wouldn’t smoke or drink. I knew she would be a doctor or a lawyer. I knew she wouldn’t use curse words because I didn’t curse. I knew she wouldn’t be “bad” because I wasn’t “bad.” You can imagine the naivete I had going in as a freshman at The University of Texas back in 2004. In high school, I was too busy and too “tightly wound” to even be considered overlooked. But I just KNEW I would find my dream girl in college. Hell, that’s where Dwayne found Whitley, right?

My experiences at UT would dictate that I “upgrade” my idea of my dream girl to that of “a good girl.” You read the above paragraph. You know my head was in the clouds. So you can imagine how shocked I became when even some of the young ladies who frequented campus bible studies or the more prestigious girls-only organizations, I found out were being referred to as overtly promiscuous even more active in the community (before I’m accused of firing shots, let me restate that “hoe-ism” is an equal-opportunity employer; any student is capable, but some more than others, and not just women…). UT would introduce me to my first idea of “unattainability” – the assumption belief that there were certain girls I couldn’t pull or that were “out of my reach” if I lacked a certain status or “label” (word to Kevin Powell’s “student leader pimp” concept). So there were certain young ladies I didn’t even think about devoting attention to, though I admired them from afar. (Lowkey, we all find ourselves attracted to that one thing we know is bad for us, don’t we? But curiosity gave the cat herpes…) But there were also some I did pursue.

A series of ill-timed, to-the-point-of-her-disgust lavishings, outright sappings of my creativity, friend boxings, and sometimes overall disastrous attempts at UT followed. With each failure attempt, my “dream girl” image was amended. Standards and “wants/must-haves” – some perhaps one rung below impossible for college girls aged 17-22 – were added. My colorism got turned the hell out She no longer had a desired hue. I was quite possibly “Daphne’ing” some girls – viewing them for what I wanted them to be, versus who they are, consequently causing them to fall short in my eyes when I stumbled upon flaws.

All this built up to yesterday’s funeral – the death of a pop star not firmly enough grounded in reality, to make it to the end of the road with me.

So what is this? A pity party? A reminder to not “put the p*ssy on a pedestal”? Not at all. This is a cautionary tale. Sometimes as people, we can be so enamored in the idea of love, or the idea of “The One,” that that image takes priority over us getting to know someone for who they really are. The honeymoon’s going to end. People will disappoint. People will fall short. People won’t be “who you thought they were” or “expected” them to be. But maybe they’ll be better. Sometimes a person’s beauty transcends our comprehension or our want-list. I’m not saying “lower your standards.” I am saying don’t let your standards put you in a position where you end up “getting your shit re-arranged.” Actually… maybe some people need that.

 

V-Day or D-Day?

First and foremost, Happy Valentine’s Day to those who celebrate and acknowledge it.

Glad I got that out of the way. I am not a fan of this day at all. At.All. I have several reasons for feeling the way I do. Before you go judging me and writing me off as bitter, hear me out…

 

Tough Love

Image via Wikipedia

It’s lonely at the top. President Obama’s reign as our Commander-In-Chief has illustrated this point as often as a Blake Griffin highlight. The latest in the long line of political life lessons delivered in two years comes from Senator John Kerry, Chairman of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations, as he publicly breaks with the Obama Administration on his policy in Afghanistan.

President Obama has had critics on his left for his handling of the War in Afghanistan since his inauguration but what makes Senator Kerry’s new position significant is that, unlike a MSNBC anchor barking at college students, he can alter America’s policy as much as Barack can. Obama entered the Presidential Race two years ago stating that the Afghanistan War is the “right” war and a majority of American people agreed with him but now with casualties and costs steadily mounting Americans are looking at President Obama ‘s strategy in Afghanistan like a freshman looks at their high school relationships. Senator Kerry’s new popular recommendations resemble the plan Vice President Biden was advocating when President Obama decided to increase the number of troops in Afghanistan and set a timeline for withdrawal, angering his those to the left and right respectively, ice-cold Obama pushed forward by maintaining support with military leadership and Senate Democrats, now Senator Kerry’s break with the camp spells trouble for the working coalition with military leadership pushing for more resources and time in Afghanistan after the August policy review and Senate Democrats led by Senator Kerry and Vice President Biden pushing for an immediately scaled back profile in Afghanistan with fewer troops and more special ops. This adds to President Obama’s headaches with Tunisia, Syria, and Egypt rocking the Middle East with rapid pushes for Representative Democracy, Israel and Palestine coming nowhere near beginning talks for negotiating a two state solution leaving the Obama Administration increasingly frustrated with their leadership, and Iraq being a work in progress, all while Iran acts as the Gooch. Americans are looking to exit the Middle East with growing urgency leaving Obama  increasingly boxed in on his most cherished foreign policy goal, repairing and building relations with the Middle East and Muslim world.

 

 

Super Bowl XLV Wrap-Up

If you live under a rock and didnt seen the most watched television broadcast of all time also known as Super Bowl XLV, MVP Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers beat the Steelers 31-35 on Sunday to become the NFL Champs for the first time since Brett Favre was under center. Here are a few quick notes/thoughts as we recap the Super Bowl and wrap-up the NFL season. Now that there is no more football, we can all resume our favorite pasttime of wishing that there was football.

 

Winning The Future

When President Obama called for a renewed focus on education and “Winning The Future” he probably didn’t have college rap dominator Prairie View A&M University in mind particularly. The little HBCU in the Waller County town that gave the rap world D.J. Premier has lately been  producing artists the way The University of Texas produces defensive backs. Dorrough broke the dam and since then Bone, Jack Freeman, and The Party Boyz among others. While I always enjoy a jam  the explosion of student rapper speaks directly to some of The Obama Administration‘s failure thus far to enact an education agenda that makes our system more effective.