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V-Day or D-Day?

14 Feb

First and foremost, Happy Valentine’s Day to those who celebrate and acknowledge it.

Glad I got that out of the way. I am not a fan of this day at all. At.All. I have several reasons for feeling the way I do. Before you go judging me and writing me off as bitter, hear me out…

Reason 1: Valentine’s Day has been convoluted by marketing, expectations, hurt feelings, and sexism. If this is the love holiday that we make it out to be, why is so much marketing geared towards men? “Buy her this”, “She’ll love this”, “Don’t forget to get her this”…Love is a reciprocal phenomenon. It shouldn’t be as one-sided as we have made it out to be. In the name of capitalism, Cupid has lent “love” to the highest payer.

Reason 2: There is entirely too much pressure. If a man doesn’t buy his woman dinner/something stuffed/something sweet/something that will die in that pretty vase in less than a week, she will not forget. Suddenly, everything he might have done the previous 364 days gets thrown out the window.

Reason 3: If you really love someone or are trying to reach that level, do you REALLY need a generic day such as February 14 to express that emotion? 365, ladies and gentleman! If I love a woman or she means a lot to me, please believe, I don’t have to wait for February 14 to let her know that. I’m the type of guy that’ll take you out on the 13th, cook for you on the 15th, watch a movie with you on the 16th, and give you a massage on the 17th.

Reason 4: 2/14 is one of the most polarizing days on the calendar. It puts pressure on the couples (mostly the men) and alienates those who are single. If the grass is greener on the other side of the V-Day fence for you, trust me, you are not alone.

Reason 5: I’m not going to delve into this issue because I don’t want women lunging at my neck. I’ll just put it like this and keep it moving: Don’t sell yourself for cheap, ladies. The by-product of Reason 1 is glorified prostitution. Most guys (who aren’t your man) aren’t just trying to wine and dine you for a hug and as a kiss on your doorstep. Moving on!

I’m a man of consistency. When I’m with a woman, it’s Valentine’s Day 365. I don’t need a Hallmark-sanctioned holiday to remind me that I have a good woman by my side. Single people, don’t be discouraged. Wifed-up gentlemen, I hope she likes what you got for her. Booed-up ladies, remember that this is supposed to be a holiday for both sexes. While the market tells you that this is your day, remember that you share it with him. For everyone else, whether you’ve got a sig fig ((c) Realist23 2008) or not, call up your friends and family and let them know that you love them. That costs you nothing and will mean the world to them.

-23

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32 Comments

Posted by on February 14, 2011 in Philosophy, Relationships

 

32 responses to “V-Day or D-Day?

  1. MichaelYoungHistory

    February 15, 2011 at 8:59 AM

    Whoa…ok, a few comments

    1) On the sexism: sure, there are most definitely sexist overtones in the gift giving department of V-day, but in your analysis you leave out the inherent sexism with LOTS of things that surround relationships; i.e. courting/dating, sex, and even weddings themselves. This also goes towards that prostitution point. You can say the same about alot of things. And that point was a little too strong LMAO. Its not just gifts in exchange for sex. Its alot more than that…

    2) I dont get why treating someone special on 2/14, a day that she expects something nice, takes away from the fact that you can be good to her the rest of the days. All of your arguments also correspond to birthdays as well, and really to all holidays. They are as arbitrary as ever. Why should I buy you a gift just b/c you were born on this day some years ago? Why should I buy YOU a gift on Jesus’ bday? that being said, you do it b/c it makes her feel special.

    3) I think of V-day as a catch-all. We all know that not all relationships are great. Not all men are as consistent as you, and treating their chicks well 365. So I cant really hate if a dude has to step up and treat his chick well on one designated day a year. Chances are she deserves it and its been lacking, or if it hasnt been lacking, then you cant hate on the holiday b/c you’ve been treating ur girl like its v-day everyday, so no difference!

    V-Day is fine in my book.

     
    • realist23

      February 15, 2011 at 10:33 AM

      Going through your points:
      1. Weak argument. It’s a day that magnifies those microcosms you mentioned. Also, reread what I said on the prostitution tip. I was alluding to people not in a relationship.and not on the way to one. I’m not talking about those in relationships.
      2. You hit the nail on the head: expectations. Why? Birthdays are an individual’s day; not the world’s. Christmas is similar, but it’s more reciprocal than V-Day from a capitalism standpoint.
      3. You see it half-full. I see it half-empty. Once again, you’ve put the burden on the man…my biggest problem with the day.

       
  2. primemeridian11

    February 15, 2011 at 9:07 AM

    I think the entire blog post assumes too much. It assumes that women do not reciprocate or understand that the holiday is for both genders. It assumes that men do not treat their women right every day and that most ppl use Vday to make up for their lack of romanticism for an entire you. For someone who seems to be trying to make a point about gender roles, you kinda throw the men under the bus.

    P.S. I heard you out, now can I write this off as bitter?

     
    • MichaelYoungHistory

      February 15, 2011 at 9:14 AM

      LMAO

       
    • The King's Law

      February 15, 2011 at 9:15 AM

      Women do/can reciprocate on V-Day… but if the man didn’t want to celebrate the day to begin with, true reciprocity would be to ignore Valentines Day… Think about it.

       
      • MichaelYoungHistory

        February 15, 2011 at 9:21 AM

        To clarify the point made by these two, women (should and do) reciprocate on V-Day in ways other than sex. They buy gifts. They make plans. Etc. Last year I didnt plan anything at all for V-day, she did, and it was awesome.

        Also, if you want REAL reciprocity, you get her to celebrate on 3/14. The greatest day on the American calendar…google it!

         
  3. The King's Law

    February 15, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    V-Day is wack.

    Think about the folks who would like to NOT celebrate the day because any expression of “care/love” would be stronger reflection than that of the truth itself. Its a pressure day. It’s a day where you kind of need to decide whether you really like/want this person or not, otherwise say goodbye to your cash and your freedom from relationship expectations… because they always rise after V-Day.

    While having a good day to celebrate is cool and all, and I dig it when I participate, it’s just as bad as Christmas in that it creates feelings of obligation rather than generosity. Most aren’t buying gifts because they care, they’re buying them because they don’t want to argue about it later. Appeasing somebody to avoid conflict is rarely a good motivation for generosity, especially in an intimate relationship.

    Sadly, if one partner really wants to celebrate the day (usually the woman), the man has no choice (kind of like having a kid). These small steps in escalated commitment (against your will) just lead into a trap.

    I think V-Day is much better celebrated when it’s the man’s idea to do it. Otherwise it really does look like women wanting to receive gifts/consideration… and thus the prostitution arguement is magnified for this day specifically over others.

    I’ll reserve my other comments for rebuttals.

    -King

     
    • MichaelYoungHistory

      February 15, 2011 at 9:18 AM

      Great points here. 23 made some of them too, about it being a day of pressure. “Everyone else is loving, you didnt take me out, so you must not love me” kinda thing. I agree, but thats on the person who actually has the feelings. But contrary to the marketing shoved down your throat, V-day doesnt have to be about “Love” necessarily, dont ya think? Like, if you LIKE a chick and yall are just chillin, you probably take her on dates anyway. Or if you are King’s Law or me, you have probably cooked for her. So why not just do it again!

      While having a good day to celebrate is cool and all, and I dig it when I participate, it’s just as bad as Christmas in that it creates feelings of obligation rather than generosity. <— I totally agree with this. I hate X-Mas (and V-Day really) in theory, but when I participate I actually really enjoy it.

      Why is it better if its a man's idea? LOL

       
      • The King's Law

        February 15, 2011 at 9:22 AM

        Let me rephrase that… it could be the woman… but rather it should be the person who cares less about the day. they have lesser expectations, so those are easier to match.

        If expectations of gift giving, consideration of thought in the gift, or time aren’t met, shit hits the fan. Even when I pull of Christmas/VDay well, I’m upset I had to view it as an “Ordeal” to begin with, when it’s supposed to be more like a shared day.

        I never feel like VDay is for me, even when i get a gift (etc.), because I could do perfectly fine without it.

        Couple that with the fact that VDay falls in the shortest month of the year… meaning the lowest potential for income… meaning im’ at my brokest… Sheesh, we just got past Christmas… Fuck St. Valentino.

         
    • primemeridian11

      February 15, 2011 at 9:20 AM

      What if it’s the other way around? The man wants to celebrate and the woman doesn’t? Does it still lead to a trap?

       
      • The King's Law

        February 15, 2011 at 9:23 AM

        Yes it does… it’s almost like the pressure a woman would feel if she were proposed to but didn’t want to get married but didn’t know how to say No.

        Men really are worried about fucking up so much, that this day adds unnessecary stress to our lives. I conjecture it could be exactly the same for a woman who takes the stance that men usually hold on Vday.

         
  4. The King's Law

    February 15, 2011 at 9:25 AM

    My main point is that it should be an (optional) day to express your feelings of attraction, not a (mandatory) day to prove you deserve what you have… VDay shouldn’t be viewed like a midterm exam…. cuz most people actually would fail and need to request a Q Drop.

     
    • primemeridian11

      February 15, 2011 at 9:29 AM

      It is an optional day to express your feelings. St. Valentine isn’t putting a gun to anyone’s head and cupid’s arrows don’t actually pierce. Do what you want? If you don’t want to celebrate, then don’t.

       
      • The King's Law

        February 15, 2011 at 9:34 AM

        you realize your option is only the first part of an unwritten ultimatum. If men could just NOT celebrate it, dont you think they would. Who’s trying to get decapitated?

        When the option is free will and verbal assualt versus semi-insincere giving and sex… you’ll choose the lesser of two evils…

        I just find it funny women choose not to see this TRUTH for what it is.

         
        • primemeridian11

          February 15, 2011 at 9:43 AM

          What truth? The truth is that it is in fact an option. Consequences flow from every choice, but if your argument is that men don’t have the “option” to ignore it if the woman wants to celebrate, then your argument is flawed.

           
          • The King's Law

            February 15, 2011 at 9:46 AM

            No. You’re not thinking from the mindset of the average woman.

            The avg woman: If my man botches VDay, I’m either going to make his life hell, or I’m going to leave him.

            IF we don’t really want to break up, just dont want to celebrate the day, we have no choice. You can call it a choice, but the alternatives are slim and the conclusions are already prewritten.

             
          • realist23

            February 15, 2011 at 9:57 AM

            I really do get tired of always having to argue with you, primemeriedian. Don’t presume to tell me I’m bitter because I’m not. You live for love and you found it. Congrats. I don’t. You’re a self-admitted romantic. I am not. I’ve seen enough to know what V-Day does to people. You can disagree all you want to with me, but realize we’re coming from different places. You’re on the plush field of love, and I’m in the skybox.

            Sent from my iPhone

             
            • primemeridian11

              February 15, 2011 at 10:09 AM

              I’m sorry. I confused this for a comment section of a blog where people are free to express their ideas as they wish. Someone makes a post, someone else puts an opposing view.

              I’ve seen enough to know a little something too. If it’s very different than you, so what. If I characterize something as bitter that you do not, that’s my prerogative. You characterized me as you saw fit.

               
              • realist23

                February 15, 2011 at 10:17 AM

                Never said you couldn’t comment. Go for it. I love ruffling feathers.

                 
              • MichaelYoungHistory

                February 15, 2011 at 11:20 AM

                hahahahah

                 
  5. The King's Law

    February 15, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    So Primemeridian… if your beau simply ignored VDay, what would you have done?

     
    • primemeridian11

      February 15, 2011 at 10:35 AM

      Actually, we didn’t really do Vday this year and it was my choice. We are both just too busy. Had he ignored Vday and i wanted to celebrate? I would hv handled it like i handle every conflict, told him how I felt and moved on. It’s one day. He does stuff all year and it would be straight up inappropriate for me to be angry for one day. I understand your argument that some women may not be like this. However, I think women are a lot more reasonable than we get credit for.

       
      • realist23

        February 15, 2011 at 10:44 AM

        That’s all I’m saying. You’re right; not every woman is like you. Those are the ones I’m pointing out. I never said every woman was one way or another.

         
  6. The King's Law

    February 15, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    “However, I think women are a lot more reasonable than we get credit for…” <<< Literal LOL… a woman can be reasonable… put them together and reason and logic will not be found in the room.

     
  7. primemeridian11

    February 15, 2011 at 11:28 AM

    VDay really does not cause the end of relationships. If someone breaks up over Vday, it is probably indicative of other problems in the relationship manifesting. I don’t know any women in happy relationships that would break up with a guy simply because he didn’t do anything for Vday. They may exist, but I don’t know them.

     
    • Typo-Critical

      February 18, 2011 at 12:13 AM

      “VDay really does not cause the end of relationships. If someone breaks up over Vday, it is probably indicative of other problems in the relationship manifesting.” <- this is actually a great point. If what you had between the two of you was fragile enough to disintegrate over what (didn't) happen on Valentine's Day, then point blank period, it was something you didn't need go about pursuing anyway.

       
  8. Typo-Critical

    February 18, 2011 at 12:27 AM

    This is your blog and therefore this is your opinion.

    I can readily admit that I’m bitter or, at least, jaded when it comes to love (blog post coming soon). I proudly wore my “FCUK LOVE” t-shirt on Valentine’s Day. I do agree that the day contributes greatly to the commodification of Cupid. Valentine’s Day DOES put a lot of pressure on men to do something to show their appreciation for the woman (“women” plural if you have a roster and not a star player, and much disposable income…). And I don’t like sending roses. They die. It’s pointless to send a “busy” woman flowers she won’t even have time to take care of, and therefore a waste of my money.

    That said… we men sometimes make a huge-ass deal about the day moreso than the women do. Yes, true, if we don’t do something for a woman, then she might get angry or pissed off about it (especially if her friends’ respective men did something for them… as women are oft known to “gush” and brag about such things. Men do it, too, but I’m just saying…). But in terms of the context… stop listening to the damn commercials. Valentine’s Day is, at its core, one MORE day of showing your affection. As you noted, love is a 365-day movement; that said, Valentine’s Day is as much one of the 365 as any other. It just so happens on this day everyone’s watching you (or it feels that way).

    Guys put a lot of pressure on themselves behind this holiday, honestly. You don’t HAVE to get her flowers, or the big-ass heart-shaped balloon, or the $39.95 box of chocolate candy. Hell, be creative. I PROMISE if you were to do something for her on Valentine’s Day that’s significant to her (e.g., if she likes M&Ms, give her some custom M&Ms), that would go a lot farther than the usual teddy bear and roses. If she doesn’t appreciate that type of “personal touch,” oh well. I’ve heard the Valentine’s Day breakup is making a comeback.

    But that’s just my opinion.

     
    • Realist23

      February 18, 2011 at 12:40 AM

      Ah, yes…the V-Day breakup. I personally haven’t done that, but one girl I was dating in my undergrad days pissed me off so much on V-Day (back when I participated in it), I broke up with her the next day. I had enough respect for Cupid not to do it that day, but it was close.

      P.S. They just started making those damn custom M&M’s and advertising for them. My point exactly. Just in time for V-Day. blah blah blah

       
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