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Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

29 Mar

Mathew 27:46 is so relevant to my sports life in the last 14 months or so. I don’t know what I did, but the all-knowing Sports Gods hate me right now. ALOT. Don’t believe me. Have a look at my bad fortune! (Note: if you didnt realize this by now, this post has absolutely nothing to do with religion lol)

The Beginning…

It all started around January 7th, 2010. A day that shall live in infamy for myself and fellow Longhorn fans. In Pasadena against a vaunted Alabama team after a near victory against the Suh led Nebraska team in the Big XII Championship, Texas was a heavy underdog. However, the horns came out swinging, stopping Bama on an ill-advised fake punt. Bama looked scared. Texas looked pumped to shock the world. Then it happened…

Colt Mccoy gets hurt early in the National Championship game. Little did we know that it would be his last play as a Longhorn. Still gives me chills...

We all know what happens after this. Bama starts to take over. Garrett Gilbert, a highly touted true freshman with no real game experience, is shaky and without a running game, is a sitting target. Bama controls the game, including an awful shovel pass that was intercepted right before the half and returned for a TD. Epic comeback. Gilbert to Shipley. Hope. We can pull this out…only for Gilbert to get crushed on a corner blitz. Game over.

FML...foreshadowing to Texas' next season.

And this was just the beginning. Just prior to this game, on December 19th, 2009, Texas basketball beat a top-ten ranked North Carolina team in Dallas, and subsequently became the #1 team in the country. After another big win against Michigan State,  it was pretty much a free-fall for the horns. They lost 10 of their last 17 games, and suffered an abrupt first-round exit in the NCAA tourney at the hands of an awful Wake Forrest team. Also, Texas volleyball was up 2 sets on Penn State, who had won the previous two national championships and was on a RIDICULOUS win streak. Penn State rallied and won the next 3 sets to win their third straight title. That year, Texas baseball, which was highly ranked, also lost.

Meanwhile, also in 2010, some of my other teams also suffered awful fates, all at the time I was still reeling from the Texas Football loss. After winning its first 5 games, the New York Giants lost its next 4 games, and ended the year 8-8, missing the playoffs. In the final two games of the season, wins the Giants needed to make a late playoff push, they were outscored by a total of 85-16.

😡

The Bills (whom I also root for) finished the 2009-2010 campaign 6-10. My Rockets finished the 2009-2010 season with lots of injuries and roster turnover and didn’t make the playoffs. The New York Yankees lost in the second round of the AL playoffs to the up and coming Texas Rangers, and were never really in the series.

Bastards...

It should be noted though that the Duke Blue Devils won the National Championship in 2010 with me on campus, meaning I got to burn tables and act a fool. Even better however, those assholes at UNC did not even MAKE the tourney, and instead finished second in the NIT. Awesome. I also had an amazingly good bracket, finishing in the top 90 percent in the country. However, for the second straight year, I lost to my girlfriend. FML. She rubbed it in for weeks…

#TarholeFail

2011: New Year, Same Failures

As the beginning of the 2010-2011 seasons approached, I was all but ready for a new start. Texas returned a lot of its team and had what we thought to be a stud QB replacing Colt McCoy, not to mention the fact that they were ranked preseason in the top 5. The Giants looked ready to return to playoff glory. Texas basketball looked like it would have a down year, but was still ranked #25 in the nation in the preseason. The Rockets, after dealing Trevor Ariza, looked forward to a healthy Yao and growing backcourt of Kevin Martin and Aaron Brooks, and had an outside chance of making a playoff run. However, all went horribly wrong, confirming that the sporting gods hated my guts…

Texas football got off to a shaky start to say the least. After a few wins over Rice, Wyoming, and Texas Tech in which the supposed “new look offense” with a focus on running the ball looked awful, we had a home game against UCLA, whose been pretty bad over the past few years, and had already gotten off to a bad start. I happened to be in Austin for an interview for this game, so I got tickets and went to see my horns dominate. This was all preceded with some EPIC trash talk between me and the GF, who is a UCLA alumnus. Well, long story short, UCLA came into Austin and DOMINATED the game from start to finish, beating the horns 34-12 as I sat and watched in agony. Our national championship hopes were all but dashed. UCLA threw the ball only 9 times in the entire game. It was awful to watch. My girlfriend was insufferable, including tagging me on facebook in this creative little diddy…

 

FML

Texas ended up going 5-7, missing a bowl game and losing to the likes of OU and TAMU, as well as embarrassing losses to Iowa State and Kansas State. Gilbert was awful all year. We had no running game all year. The defense slowly started to give up. Special teams was awful. After that, we lost our Head Coach in Waiting, Will Traitor Muschamp, to Florida, and Mack pretty much fired everyone else.

 

Asshole...

Meanwhile, Texas basketball started off hot (again) and got pretty close to that #1 ranking again, only to falter a bit down the stretch losing to the likes of Colorado and Nebraska. While they did get to the Big XII championship game, they got KILLED by perennial big brother Kansas, and then got beat by a game Arizona squad in the second round of the NCAA tourney on an awful 5-second call. The 5 second call was just a cherry on top, as Texas looked awful on offense all day and Derrick Williams destroyed us. That same Arizona team went on to beat my other team, Duke, the the Sweet 16…

 

I was so happy when this clown finally lost...

Also, I currently have the most awful bracket in the world. I am somewhere around the 5th percentile and have no final four teams left. And not only did I lose to my girlfriend for the third straight year, I also lost to my arch nemesis who I usually kill, none other than the Big Socrates himself.

Meanwhile, the Bills made some improvements, but still finished the season with an awful 4-12 record, dropping its first 8 games. The Giants once again started off hot, and had the division rival Eagles down 24-10 in the fourth quarter to secure a playoff spot in week 15 before giving up 28 points in the fourth quarter, the last of which was a game-winning punt return by Desean Jackson. There were so many things wrong with this. For one, while he was told to kick the ball away from Jackson, a dangerous return guy, our idiot rookie punter Matt Dodge instead kicked it right to him. Also, Desean Jackson, being the coon that he is, danced all the way to the damn endzone. It was an awful moment. Although the Giant had another chance to secure a playoff spot with a win in the next week against eventual Super Bowl champion Green Bay, we all knew the Giants were done. They lost to GB 45-17. And to top it all off, I had one of the worst fantasy football seasons of all time…

 

Steve Johnson drops a TD that would have beat the Steelers. The Bill eventually lost 19-16 in OT.

I could not think of a worst person to end the Giant's season. Damn you Matt Dodge...

And as of now, my Rockets are currently 38-35, sitting in the 9th spot in the Western Conference, one spot out of the playoffs with 8 games to play. They are 3 games back of Memphis, who currently holds the 8th seed. A few days ago, in a must-win game against Miami, All of the Big Three (well, big two and Bosh’s punk ass) had at least 30 points and 10 rebounds in a close game that the Rockets lost. Also, the Grizzlies inexplicably beat the 1st place Spurs that day. Looks like my boys wont make the playoffs this year either…But its ok, because we traded a team leader in Shane Battier to Memphis for Hasheem Thabeet, who is widely considered one of the worst lottery picks in NBA history. So much so that he was sent down to the NBADL by Memphis after just a year. And now he plays for us. And he’s awful, while Shane is helping Memphis keep the 8th seed from the Rockets. Oh, and Yao has been hurt all season. Nothing new.

 

#Fail

With ALL of that said, one thing is clear: When it comes to sports, I am CURSED. Any ideas on how to get out of this slump? I can’t take all of my teams losing like this!!!

-MichaelYoungHistory

 

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 29, 2011 in Sports

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

  1. Proud

    March 29, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I’m such a great artist. WINNING!

     
    • justinfication

      April 3, 2011 at 12:47 PM

      lol…. way to fuel the flame bro.

       
  2. Typo-Critical

    March 29, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    I know it’s really, really not my place to say… but when the Bills post an even worse record the following season, I don’t know that I would call that “improving.” Also, can I be honest? As much as I love my Rockets, the way we’re playing right now, I kind of wouldn’t WANT us in playoffs just because we don’t have the killer closing instinct. It seems we’ve finally started fighting back against the “fourth quarter curse” (and apparently, the Texans have inherited it *man sigh*), but we need consistency and we need to rebuild without Shane, Brooks-y, and (temporarily, hopefully) Thabeet. What happened to that guy? He’s the backup center on my Memphis team on My Player mode on 2K11 and he always puts up as many points and blocks as Gasol per game. If only games could translate into real life… I’m going off on a tangent…

    I know this was a bad season for you because how much pride you take in sports (and how often you clown my lack of sports intelligence). After two rough years, it can only go uphill from here, though. And I’m sorry, but I can’t be “Proud” of that picture. I just can’t. Home rules and all.

    At the risk of your gloating, I still say I wish you a better sports season next year.

     
    • MichaelYoungHistory

      March 29, 2011 at 3:15 PM

      Lol I should have said I thought they would improve. We got a good WR and a QB! Plus, TO was gone. Thats always a good thing. Last year we got blown out ALOT. This year we played everyone close and with a few more breaks could have won 4 or 5 more games.

      I always wanna be in the playoffs! Shane would have helped us there. He was such a leader. Now he’s leading Memphis to the promised land. FML.

      lol @ the “Proud” pun

       

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