Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.
The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged
IV – The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil
V – A Day for [hating] Daddy
I will start this installment off by warning you all. This is a rant. Much like my other rants, you should expect shock-inducing and polarizing statements communicated with the use of foul and/or vulgar language… but hey, if I were a stage comedian it’d be okay, so fuck it.
Next I will say: Happy Father’s Day to every man who accepts the role and responsibility of raising your children. Parenting doesn’t require praise, and we don’t ask for it… but it’s nice to have our own day where we can be appreciated as fathers… without having the intent of the day’s celebrations clouded by the general public’s misguided emo-trips on the internet.
I wasn’t sure what to entitle this blog. I was going to go with “Fuck you bitter daddiless bitches”… or “Fuck that bitch, it’s Father’s Day”…. and of course “Fuck yo Daddy?… that’s what ya mama did.” But I didn’t do that… so at least give me some credit there.
However I am writing today to express my discontent with the lack of mind people pay to “Father’s Day” as it is actually supposed to be celebrated. This is something I hate more than Turkey Bacon or Mass Text Messages…
If you came here to read this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Why can’t Father’s Day get the same respect as Mother’s Day? On Mother’s Day, everybody goes to church, all of the mothers get roses, all of the restaurants have their best dinner specials (Outback Steakhouse has its best performing night on Mother’s Day). All women (mothers or not) tend to get more respect on Mother’s Day. If you’re not a mother, when the holiday comes around, all you say is “Happy Mother’s Day” and that’s it.
Nobody thanks their single father on Mother’s Day. Nobody talks about how their Mother aint shit on Mother’s Day. Everybody understands what day it is, and that’s that. For the other 364 days in the year, they may have something to say, but it won’t come out on Mothers Day.
And that’s because it is Mother‘s *emphasis on the apostrophe-S* Day… it is theirs. Not yours, not ours… theirs. For them to enjoy and appreciate, because they are enjoyed and appreciated.
Before I begin discussing who “Father’s Day” belongs to, it’s appropriate to define who and what a “Father” is.
A Father is one of two things. The person who conceived the child or the person who raised it. While the first of these two definitions can be proven with DNA testing, the other is only proven if the child feels they were raised by you and thus they see you as a Father figure. One thing a Father must be, is a Man… a male… a person with a penis…. and scrotum hairs…
KING’S LAW: Whether you accept it or not, you have a Father.
What is your father to you…
Many folks find it difficult to treat Father’s Day the same as they do Mother’s Day because they don’t have connection with THEIR Father. Or because they don’t like that nigga… or cuz he never paid child support. Choosing to point out all of the shortcomings of their father, rather than celebrating the positive things… such as…
You could say “he didn’t do shit for me, but I’m blessed nonetheless to be alive”… but even that isn’t enough. While Daddy should’ve did more to make sure your were brought up right, he didn’t. You know this… but now that you have Facebook and Twitter, the rest of the world needs to know it too.
All weekend (Yes… muthafuckas couldn’t even wait til Sunday), I’m reading tweets about how daddy wasn’t shit, about how bitter this day makes you… It really is sad. But you don’t need to be on twitter, you need to be in counseling.
You are a grown up now. And while I won’t argue that you cannot be hurt and affected by the absence of somebody who should’ve and could’ve done more for you… he didn’t. It’s time to move on and find a way to be content with your life. All of this hate is actually not healthy for your soul.
Mother’s Day… Part 2??
Some are filled with a little less hate, it’s more so love that they are filled with. Rather than showing their mothers all of the appropriate love that they wanted to show on Mother’s Day, they let it trickle into Father’s Day…. thanking their mother for acting/playing both roles…. which is impossible unless she has scrote hairs.
KING’S LAW: Point. Blank. Period. It’s not Mother’s Day. Do that shit on Mother’s Day.
I can appreciate your love for your mother, but I can’t begin to express how disrespectful I think that is… I would attempt to compare it to something else, but it’s the only place where this really happens. There is a specific type of disrepute that rests within the connotation and the usage of the word “father”… The word means very little to the world… it’s not even used with respect when it’s used. Many will try to substitute the word for other monikers…. Baby Daddy, “That ain’t shit nigga”, The Sperm Donor…. But if Daddy is just a sperm donor, who are you implying is a sperm receptacle… a cum dumpster… it’s just a question, don’t get angry.
KING’S LAW: What ever your impressions are of your father, are a direct reflection of your opinion of your mother’s decision-making skills.
Let’s get it straight… I absolutely respect a woman who can carry the load of two individuals, being a mother to a fatherless child. But that’s exactly what the situation is… she’s not Daddy… that’s why you feel the need to bring it up on Father’s Day… to fill the void the man left in your life as a result of
banging out filling the void in your mother’s life. How do you expect somebody who never learned how to be a Man to teach somebody else how to be one… or to think from the mindset of men… If they could do that, they might’ve been able to keep Daddy around. With that said, she can be an exceptional woman, but she is not a Father. This day is not hers.
Some say… “how you gon tell me what to do on father’s day” … bitch it’s my day… it has an apostrophe-S on it… on your day, do WTF you want… but have some couth… some tact… [like me… lol]
Even outside of celebrating the mothers of stranded children, nobody can keep it as simple as “Happy Father’s Day” … it’s gotta be HFD to the “real” daddies out there…. there’s always a caveat or explanation, as if the word Father doesn’t already imply that the man is doing his job. That may be the problem… the Father just aint what he used to be.
But I won’t accept that, because I don’t see Hallmark Cards made out to “real fathers”… “non-sperm donors”… “baby daddies” or etc…. that’s because this isn’t an issue in the majority of America… i.e. this is not something White people talk about.. And if they could relate, they wouldn’t air their dirty laundry for the world to be entertained by it.
KING’S LAW: If Father’s Day looks to have lost it’s luster, it’s probably because somebody is acting their color.
We can blame fathers all day for not doing their job, but it happens too often for that nigga to be the only one to blame… [See The “Choice” of Fatherhood] And even still, you should’ve had some adult male figure who could step in and teach you the things that only a Man’s perspective could provide. The bitterness with the fact that it wasn’t who you wanted it to be is just an excuse to foster and spread hate… YES… it’s not just love for your mother, it’s hate for your circumstance, it’s jealousy of others, it’s hurt that nobody can fix… sadly, while I can empathize…
KING’S LAW: That shit is a personal problem… you personally need to fix it.
Maybe as a community, we just don’t realize how tacky we look…. We can blame the villain [BD] for that too. And we can continue to recognize and bring up the “Dead Beats” on a day that is not designed for him to be acknowledged. Today is supposed to be for the Fathers/Father Figures of the world who are enjoyed and appreciated… just like on Mother’s Day… but that’s not what it is anymore…
It’s Bitter Children’s Day
It’s Single Mother’s Day… which I don’t understand why it’s separate from Mother’s Day… do Single Mother’s need their own day??? Since most babies are born in late summer, we can make that day in November since that’s when the children will be conceived… and it’s right before Thanksgiving, so people can learn to be thankful and not so fucking bitter.
It’s I’m Every Wo[Man] Day… and women find no issue in accepting the role of the dick-bearer… not realizing that their individual attack on ONE man, is actually a grassroots movement in the emasculation of the image of the father… which is why we must meet so many caveats just to celebrate the day that is supposed to belong to us. It’s supposed to be a day for the good fathers, but you intend on making it about your bad one.
Maybe we need a “Niggas who don’t deserve to be called Father’s Day” to balance everything out. A better idea would be to not get knocked up… but I know, that’s not mama’s fault.
Regardless, unless you’re an atheist, you should be able to thank you Heavenly Father for everything… for being alive, for having a strong mother, for having a father who at least granted you the opportunity to live. It’s not about what you don’t have… it’s about what you have.
What I have is an opportunity to not be the nigga you all complain about… to not have my son ruining the meaning of this day for everybody else who’s trying to celebrate a day that already doesn’t get the shine it should or could…
All I want is a day to feel like what I’m doing is observed and appreciated, so that I know I’m on the right track. I’ll enjoy the fourth round of the U.S. Open (a bright spot among a general lack of sports content)… some Golden Corral with the family (it’s no Ruth Chris, but it’ll do)…. and a shit load of tweets on my timeline letting me know, I could be doing a lot worse (The highlight of my Father’s Day…. selfish muthafuckas).
KING’S LAW: In order for it to be a Happy Father’s Day… People need to be Happy….
With that said… Happy “they freed the slaves without letting them know” Day… #JuneteenthJokes