Facebook’s Thirstiest Moments

12 Sep

We understand that Facebook has many features at our disposable to enjoy for socialization purposes. However, since its creation, many people have used such social networking to enhance their own “thirsty” agendas. Hey, we’ve all done it – spit a lil’ game via Facebook chat, or unnecessarily commenting on someone’s post/status (typically with an “lol” — to essentially say ‘Hey! I’m been on your profile!’). But this post is dedicated to mocking those who have NO shame in their game.

The following is a list constructed of observations from my newsfeed…and inbox…and timeline for you tweeters. No particular order.

1. “Poking”
Poke Back?

This is a classic ‘thirst move’ for attention. Probably one of the first for Facebook. A new age, “Yes, No, or Maybe”, if  you will.

Poor girls, I bet this is all too familiar. A series of pokes from guys you don’t even talk to on a regular basis. And I know a few girls that would have a whole page-length column of them. And these girls would save them– like trophies. Us guys usually just poke back or remove –like instantly.

Ever have someone “poke” you so often you think to yourself, “Didn’t I remove this poke, or did they just poke again?”   Yeah, it’s as creepy as it sounds.

2. “Liking” Single

To “Like” or Comment on someone becoming single is just messy in the first place. Unless it’s Tina Turner or someone in a similiar situation. I don’t see why “liking” is even an option. Facebook should disable that in this instance!

And there’s usually a thirsty or messy comment as well. Some folks just ready to box out for the rebound.

3. Scanning through others’ archives, a.k.a., “FB stalking”

I can’t act like I’ve never done this. I have wondered what someone looked like back in high school when starched jeans and cornrows were in, and black people still wore Tommy Hilfiger.

However, I don’t leave “evidence of thirst”.

By that, I mean, don’t let folks know you made the whole cycle through their entire collection of profile pictures.

So feel free to “BACK UP!”, and…

 Mind ya Buiness...just mind ya business!

..or at least seem like it. Leaving a comment on a picture someone put up 5 years ago can seem more than a tad bit thirsty…

4. Vanity Fair

Yeah, some people just be feelin’ themselves way too much.

So much so that they devote a whole facebook album to themselves for others to “enjoy”. Not only as a compilation of different hairstyles and poses for every emotion, but as an advertisement of ‘goods’.

We’ve all taken pictures of ourselves….can’t say that I’ve taken one with my shirt up in the mirror, but I have taken a picture of myself.

There’s a thin line here though. Some folks just do it cause they are full of themselves, and don’t give two cents about it. “Self-thirst”, if you will.

But some folks are just “tryna get chose”. And if not, they’re a helluva tease!

5. Desperate Statuses

“Think of one feature you find attractive about me and message me about it”

“I have a crush on #OOMF”

“Will I ever find a good man?”

“Who wants to take me to the movies tonight?”

“Cuffing season is about to start and I got nobody to cuddle with!”

They have whole websites devoted to these.

These are clear “thirst traps,” and sadly, thirsty men and women will be all over the status commenting on it and setting up dates. But think about it like this – if he/she wanted to go on a date with YOU as opposed to everyone else she’s friends with, they would have sent you a text…#NoVisibleThirst

6. Private Message….to strangers


Yes, it strokes my ego and may boost your self-esteem, but it’s still thirsty!

Some of ya’ll probably entertain it, only to realize that they type broken English and want you to talk to them on Yahoo! Messenger or meet them in Africa.

Not to say that people don’t do the same thing on others’ walls. If you “View your Friendship” with a particular person and your “Wall-to-Wall” Ratio is greater than 2, then you may have appeared thirsty. *Shrug* …just sayin.

Yall gotta get off this!

7. Hitting on Spam

We’ve all seen it and been disgusted by it. You get a new friend request from a sexy girl who took her profile picture in front of the mirror with a cell phone with hardly any clothes on. You don’t know her so you go to her page and check her out, only to see she’s got 45 friends, all black males. You accept her friend request anyway (SMH) and she tags you in some pictures of Jordan sneakers a few days later.

At this point, you KNOW she’s spam. Yet you continue to write comments about how sexy she is just like the other 100 people she tagged in her sexy picture. Are yall THAT thirsty? Yall are thirsting after computer bots now??? Is it THAT hard out here for a pimp? You DO realize that it is probably some huge guy putting up all these pictures, right? SMH…

8. #TittyTuesday/ThongThursday

We got to include twitter on this as well, since the two have essentially merged. For all of those on twitter, you may come across some of this on your timeline every Tuesday and Thursday. This is the epitome of thirst. It’s literally a day where chicks take pictures of their tits or themselves in a thong (depending on the day) and put it out for the whole twitterverse to see with the appropriate hashtag. And all you thirsty ninjas are RTing it and looking at it. Its Tuesday afternoon! Aint yall supposed to be at work? If you wanna see naked chicks, there is plenty of porn on these internets without yall thirsting all public and stuff….Yall workin a bit too hard to get your (electronic) issue…

9. “Subtweets”/Subliminal Statuses

Similar to Point #5, but we gotta call out such actions again, because some folks think they slick!

People will post something very personal that reads like a private text message to someone who they are thirsting after or wants attention from. This isnt “thirsty” per se, as much as its a desperate grab for attention.

“I really wish you were here with me right now…”

“You think i’m thinking about you, but i’m #ontothenextone”

“If you only knew what I was thinking…”

This has to stop. Just send them a text or don’t say it at all. Chances are we don’t know who you are talking to and we don’t care…

10. (Post humorous acknowledgement)  Honesty Box – If you don’t know, ask your older brother or sister about it.

But it was essentially a way to do all of the above…..anonymously.

Oh really, now?



These days, social networking just antagonizes “the thirst” even more. And it doesn’t help when cute undergrads want to post a Spring Break album with swim suits for every day of the week. Damn you, South Padre Island.

Surely if you cast enough lines in the pond, you’ll catch something …even though a majority of the time, you’ll only get

You have to realize that your social networking game is public. So for those of you who choose to continue in their yourways, just know we’re laughing at you!

“The Thirst” is real people, and like any other lustful disease, it’s unappealing, and it’ll have you deleting old statuses and comments out of pure embarrassment. Don’t believe us?  Go ahead and ‘View your Friendship’ with the girls you were crushin’ on in college.

The cure is awareness, common sense, and quenching your ‘thirst’ for the attention/acceptance with the people that already know and admire you.

Stay classy, my friends…

-Justinfication & MichaelYoungHistory

Follow “The Thread” on Twitter! (No thirst, we promise)


Posted by on September 12, 2011 in Relationships, Sex, Social Life


Tags: , , ,

3 responses to “Facebook’s Thirstiest Moments

  1. Alisa

    September 12, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    Man! I’m not sure if looking up this post that was not actually posted on my own wall or by leaving this comment makes me automatcially fall into any of the above categories, BUT man this is pretty much one of the best blogs I’ve ever read. It was both painfully truthful and comical. I thoroughly enjoyed the laughs especially while looking at Pam say ” NOTHING” all of the photographical excerpts and references were wonderfully chosen.

    On a serious note here, whether this blog was intended for all laughs or not I from the core of me appreciate this for so many reasons. It is nice to know that a man thinks that it is inappropriate for other men to act out of a “lack of self control” and ” thirstyness”

    These different types of pursuits of relationships make for a false sense of connectedness and being relational. As humans we all desire relationship, we desire to love and be loved. So whether we are in agreement with that notion or not we all pursue relationships one way or another.

    Also by the way I agree with the whole Tuesday titty/Thursday/thong thing. What actually happens here at the very subconcious level is that you start to either look like what you look at or you desire what ever it is that you are looking at. So for men who do this at work or while they should be working you start to put most females around you in this category of women who are ” put on display for your entertainment” or you put them in you ” fantasy box”…. LAME- Lines get crossed, vision is blurred, and degrees of normalcy decreases.

    Justinification- I like the way you were raised. Especially the one pair of tennis shoes per school year! Bet yall’s lights were never off, and if they were yall did what you had to get them RIGHT back on!

  2. Alisa

    September 12, 2011 at 7:58 PM

    By the way I didn’t mean for my comment to sound like the blog was only addressing guys… I understand that women are equally doing these things.


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