Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated..
The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged
IV – The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil
V – A Day for [hating] Daddy
VI – Happy Mother [Fuckers] Day
First off…. Happy Mother’s Day to…. Well we’ll get to that part later…
Today’s post will take a non-sequitur approach to explaining a larger point; please wait until the post’s conclusion to develop your opinions about the contention made. It’s important that you are at least mildly familiar with what has already been discussed in order to understand what will be going on today… Please feel free to read the other BDC postings, because today we will find that…
KING’S LAW: Payback is a Mother Fucker…
The treatment of Father’s Day as an annual day to vent frustrations about imperfect parenting situations as opposed to recognizing your Father (figure) for what they DID do, is disgusting. It’s tacky and uncouth for folks to air out their dirty laundry on a day that is meant to celebrate.
This treatment is only prevalent amongst Blacks, and it is exclusive to the treatment of Baby Daddies… It supports my original assertion that the Baby Daddy is our favorite archetypical villain. However, within the framework of an archetype, if there is a villain, there must be a hero.
The mother is assumed to be that hero because she is the antithesis of the Baby Daddy. I would contend that the mother however is not a hero because a hero doesn’t prey on the victimized. Who is the victim?… You’re probably saying to yourself, “of course it’s the children” however, the kids will grow up and become Baby Mommas and Daddies themselves one day (low blow 1) so the victim could as easily be the grandchildren. The truth is that the victim is not a person, but an idea…
KING’S LAW: Baby Mommas have shared accountability in victimizing the Nuclear Family…
So Daddy ain’t around, and our society would rather point to him as a villain than look at the circumstances around that fact…. Mothers continue to have children out of wed-lock, some because they feel it would keep Daddy around. And when the shit don’t work out, it’s all daddy’s fault even though he hasn’t been around to keep fucking the situation up.
The reason why is because our society was built to function off of assumptions of the existence of a Nuclear Family; it is the safest and most couth assumption to make for Teachers, Counselors, etcs… that the kids have parentS and they are both involved in the raising of the children, when in fact Daddy aint there… and Momma don’t want him there either.
The Nuclear Family provides many things that a single-parent household cannot such as: Dual Incomes, Multiple Perspectives, Increase connection to family and thus an upbringing within an accountable environment, the ability to divvy up parental roles, and more than anything else it is free from the shame that comes from feeling like a bastard.
It’s not just that the kids need a father, it’s that the mother needs to ensure there will be a father figure present. Of course this is difficult, nobody wants to “Date the Damaged” or pick up another man’s responsibility…. But didn’t we know all of this before we got knocked up?
Many don’t see the issue with the confusion of the roles between parents. In fact, we live in a society that is hell-bent on obscuring any gender roles to give the illusion that we are all in some way equal. The truth of the matter is that our choices are what make us unequal; even if somebody were to level the playing field, it is inevitable that someone (or some group) would rise while another would find a way to sink.
KING’S LAW: Much like all Mother Fuckers (Fathers) are not created equal, neither are all Mothers
While today, much like Father’s Day, is a day to celebrate the heroes in our life, in black culture it is actually about the anti-hero… those who may in some way save the day, but lack the virtue of a true hero. A true hero wouldn’t allow that tacky shit on Father’s Day and would tell their children “I am NOT your daddy, I am your Mother.” But the anti-hero Mothers are poised and proud to take all of the credit regardless of if it vilifies and castrates the image of the heroic father so that their children will never be interested or knowledgeable of how to be true heroes for their children. These actions not only affect the psychology of the children being raised, but they make it difficult for future Mothers to know what they’re doing. They don’t realize that they fuck over their parental peers in the process of their pussy-ass pursuit for pity.
KING’S LAW: Mothers can be some Mother Fuckers too….
So today…. Much like Father’s Day, we won’t discuss the heroes… we will discuss the anti-heroes.
Happy Mother’s Day to the folks that like to keep the cycle going… ensuring that your daughters will one day get a shoutout on Father’s Day (low blow 2).
Happy Mother’s Day to the women who know they can’t do it without that child support check, but act like Daddy is the only aint-shit adult on the block. Your conviction has not only diminished the value of the Father’s actions, but it disguised the futility of your own. Nobody else has to know that you wouldn’t be able to pay rent if you didn’t have children.
Happy Mother’s Day to the folk who realized they wouldn’t make good parents and made the hard decision to give your child up to adoption in hopes of them having a better life. You have been able to successfully do for yourself what plenty of Baby Daddies tried to do… you’re a success.
Happy Mother’s Day to the women who said “there isn’t going to be a second/third trimester” and “fanuted” the termination. Your valor has prevented a sharp growth rate in the “aint-shit” population of America because you were honest enough to admit that you weren’t going to raise somebody who would benefit society.
Happy Mother’s Day to the women who said they were on Birth Control… Those lies now give you access to flowers at church for one Sunday out of the year while your child’s father can’t help but look at his life’s pathway as a “mistake” and you enjoy it all because you made it this way.
Happy Mother’s Day to the women who seemingly have done everything to make sure the Father’s Day never matters in your household and blame manhood instead of realizing that there might be something wrong with your thinking and effectually the conditioning of your children’s thinking.
The truth of the matter is that you hear BS like this in Father’s Day, but we don’t do this to the mothers. And when you do see it, it is repudiated as malicious and disrespectful, whereas on Father’s Day it is fair game.
KING’S LAW: The Heroes and Anti-Heroes alike share Mother’s Day, while Father’s Day is made to be all about the villain.
Many feel that this is wrong… these representations of mothers are classless, rude, pointless, and have no place on Mothers Day… however, in this “equal” world we continue to build… Fathers Day says otherwise.
Never on Mother’s Day do you hear stories of motherly villainy. Even “Mommie Dearest” Joan Crawford gets a pass… because she is mom…
We’ll even get out of the day without somebody mentioning Casey Anthony… and the main reason why is because…
KING’S LAW: TODAY IS NOT THE DAY TO RECOGNIZE THAT BULLSHIT!!!
Even the following statement couldn’t be swallowed by the Jewish… cuz this shit isn’t Kosher…
Happy Mother’s Day to the single fathers who take up the responsibility of both parents… We all know you want to be considered a woman and would like to support your child as well as breast feed them. You clearly are able to fill all roles.
Truly… If anything, this shit can wait for Father’s Day.
Today, Mother’s Day, is a day for us to recognize and appreciate our Mothers…. If you’re trying to make it about anything else, you really should consider therapy, Jesus, or Bleach flavored Kool-Aid. Just because you have a twitter account and 50 followers, doesn’t mean we want to be a part of your pity party.
While the archetypical characteristics of our societal roles continue to be warped by our miseducation of how a family should be raised, we should remember that outside of your household there is sunshine… it is not desired of you, nor is it your job to bring shade upon everybody else’s parade.
KING’S LAW: If you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the Mother’s in the world… we love you, we appreciate you… and that’s all that matters… unless you fuck up my Father’s Day, then I’ll be back next year.