Category Archives: Relationships

The Interaction between two human beings

The Best 25 Cheating Songs from the Cheaters Themselves (17-11)

Here’s a recap of the first installment of “The 25 Best Cheating Songs from the Cheaters Themselves”:

25. “She Don’t Have to Know” – John Legend
24. “Maybe I Deserve” – Tank
23. “Second Chance” – .38 Special
22. “The Other Woman” – Ray Parker, Jr.
21. “Human” – The Human League
20. “Unfaithful” – Rihanna
19. “Infidelity” – Trey Songz
18. “You Know I’m No Good” – Amy Winehouse

17. “Never Keeping Secrets” by Babyface – This is the most ambiguous song on the playlist, but it’s a classic. Babyface never actually says that he cheated, but all of the signs are there. Why else would he be begging to get back with his ex and swearing that he’ll never lie or keep secrets? Reading between the lines, he got caught cheating and made this song to convince her that he was a changed man. Bunch of promises…good luck.

Favorite Line: “Momentary insanity must be the reason why I did you that way, babe / So now I’m telling everybody that I know I was a fool / To take a chance of ever losing you / And I can’t take losing you”

16. “Ooo Baby Baby” by The Miracles – If we’re talking bad lyrics, some of the gems from this song just might take the cake. I expect more from Smokey Robinson, but this song came out during the Motown era and probably got watered down to cater to a larger audience. The worst line? I’m thinking, “Mistakes, I know I’ve made a few / But I’m only human / You’ve made mistakes, too.” There’s that pesky “I’m only human” excuse again. Oh! And he backhandedly justifies his wrongs by saying that his girl has done wrong, too. Not the best way to go about improving things, Mr. Robinson. With all that said, this is still a timeless song.

Favorite Line: “I did you wrong / My heart went out to play / But in the game, I lost you / What a price to pay”

15. “Confessions Part II” by Usher – Not only does Mr. Raymond have to tell his girlfriend about his cheating ways, but he also has to tell her that he’s having a lovechild. We’re eleven songs into this countdown, and this is the first mention of a consequence of this kind. Usher just upped the ante on this playlist.

Favorite Line: “Third thing was me wishing that I never did what I did / How I ain’t ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship”

14. “Heart Turns to Stone” by Foreigner – The birth of a woman scorned. Hell hath no fury…The singer had a great woman who stood behind him, stood by him, and supported him, but he cheated on her. In turn, her heart…well, you know the rest.

Favorite Line: “All the hurt inside, the wounded pride / Oh, what she went through for you / You cheated and lied as her love slowly died / And her heart just broke in two”

13. “Creep” by TLC – Yet another vindictive song for the playlist. The crazysexycool ladies tell the story of a woman who loves her man, but she knows that he is cheating and lying about it. What’s a girl to do? Put on silky pajamas and get hers on the side, too. She doesn’t dare tell anyone about it, though. Except us. Shh…

Favorite Line: “I’ll keep giving loving / ‘Til the day he pushes me away, never go astray / If he knew the things I did, he couldn’t handle it / And I choose to keep him protected”

12. “Picture” by Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow – Ah, yes…a painful, drug-referencing duet. Up until this point, I can say that this is the song that illustrates the most torment. Kid and Sheryl are both cheating on each other, which is nothing new to this playlist, but something is different with this song. Maybe it’s the fact that both singers admit to hurting each other. Powerful track.

Favorite Line: “Since you’ve been gone, my world’s been dark and grey / You reminded me of brighter days / I hoped you were comin’ home to stay / I was headed to church / I was off to drink you away”

11. “Thin Line Between Love and Hate by The Persuaders – If you looked at my favorite line from this song first, you’d think that the guy was the one being cheated on. Wrong! His sweet woman got fed up with his infidelity and put him in the hospital. *cue Lynn Whitfield trying to kill Martin Lawrence*

Favorite Line: “I didn’t think my woman could do something like this to me / I didn’t think she had the nerve, so here I am / I guess actions speak louder than words”

The top and final 10 songs of “The 25 Best Cheating Songs from the Cheaters Themselves” will be coming at you soon…very soon.



Posted by on May 2, 2012 in Countdown, Music, Relationships, Sex


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The 25 Best Cheating Songs from the Cheaters Themselves (25-18)

If you’re a regular here, you might have seen a few playlists that I’ve done in the past. Here are a few in case you missed them: Father Playlist, Grown & Sexy Playlist. I decided to make this one my most well-researched one yet. They couldn’t just be any songs, though. There are a million songs dealing with this subject. These songs had to be from the vantage point of the actual cheaters involved in the cheating. That also means that songs about being cheated on (i.e. Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”) did not make the cut.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way condone cheating. At the same time, this list is not intended to insight judgment. Songs inspired by strong emotion tend to be some of the best, so I felt that I would discover and rediscover a myriad of incredible songs. Obviously, I couldn’t put every good cheater song on here, but I certainly got a lot of them. Anyway, let’s get to it…

25. “She Don’t Have to Know” by John Legend – I could have used any number of his songs (“Number 1”, “Again”, “Another Again”, etc. However, I decided to go with this one because it captures that feeling of knowing you’re wrong, but lying to keep from getting caught.

Favorite Line: “Girl, I know you’re doing the same thing, too / But I won’t tell your man the things we do”

24. “Maybe I Deserve” by Tank – Tank put an interesting spin on this song by going around the fact that he cheated. He never actually admits it until towards the end of the song. Instead, he creates an imaginary tale of his girl doing what he did to her in real life. Impressive.

Favorite Line: “Maybe I deserve for you to say, ‘Yes, I cheated on you.’ / And I won’t care ‘cause after all I put you through”

23. “Second Chance” by .38 Special – I can’t help but laugh at some of these lyrics. It’s amazing how many feelings the same kind of act spawns. This song provides some of the weaker excuses for cheating, but it’s a good song, nonetheless.

Favorite Line: “I never loved her / I never needed her / She was willing and that’s all there is to say / Don’t forsake me; please don’t leave me now”

22. “The Other Woman” by Ray Parker, Jr. – “Who ya gonna call?” Well, if you’re Ray Parker, Jr., you’re obviously going to call the other woman. He messed up by falling in love with her, though. If you’re looking for a song filled with begging, pleading, and remorse, this ain’t the one for you.

Favorite Line: “Oh, this affair is unique / All my life I never met such a freak / She keeps going strong for so long / When I get home, it’s all gone”

21. “Human” by Human League – Now that I’ve established that some of these lyrics are weak, allow me to present Exhibit B. I get a kick out of some of the justification I read when I look at some of these lyrics. What’s the excuse for cheating in this song? “I’m only human.” Well, now that you said that…

Favorite Line: “I wouldn’t ever try to hurt you / I just needed someone to hold me / To fill the void while you were gone / To fill this space of emptiness”

20. “Unfaithful” by Rihanna – “Once a good girl goes bad, she’s gone forever.” RiRi wasn’t lying when she resurrected a Jay-Z lyric. Here, she is cheating on her lover, and he knows that she’s cheating on him. The worst part is that she’s happy with the other guy. Fortunately, she doesn’t want to cheat on him anymore. Out with the old, in with the new, I suppose.

Favorite Line: “I say, ‘I won’t be long. Just hangin’ with the girls.’ / A lie I didn’t have to  tell / Because we both know where I’m about to go / And we know it very well”

19. “Infidelity” by Trey Songz – This song is for the good lovesick girlfriends everywhere. Trey’s girlfriend loves him no matter what he does. He decides to do the admirable thing, which is to break up with her. “[She] can’t be mad at that…” Brutal. Poor girl…

Favorite Line: “With all my infidelity / You loved me so incredibly / Inside I’ll fall apart / If you ever love someone instead of me”

18. “You Know I’m No Good” by Amy Winehouse – Unhappily married and stuck together is how I’d describe this song in short. Amy goes back to an ex-boyfriend and does everything she can to make her seemingly dumb good husband divorce her. At least he knew what he was getting into.

Favorite Line: “Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy / He’s in a place, but I can’t get joy / Thinking on you in the final throes / This is when my buzzer goes”

Look out for songs 17-11 on the “25 Best Cheating Songs from the Cheaters Themselves” playlist tomorrow.



Posted by on May 1, 2012 in Countdown, Music, Relationships, Sex


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How Far Is Too Far? LDRs and How To Make Them Work

I have reached that point in my life where a lot of friends are getting married. I have to be honest – this has been as difficult for me to get through as it has been exciting. No, it is not because I’m lonely and jealous and become a spiteful being every time I hear great news. In fact, it is the opposite. It is because I have been with an amazing man for two years, but we are in a long distance relationship (an LDR as I have affectionately labeled it). We met each other at a conference in San Diego when we were both in graduate school. Of course, we were in two different states for school, but that did not stop us from seeing what could be. What could be turned into what we have, and that is a great relationship. He has since transferred schools and I began law school, and we are closer now than we were before, but several states and four hours separate us on a daily basis. The past two years have been a lesson in patience, and I have come to realize that blessings are given to us in forms that we can handle.

What does this mean? So many people are terrified of long distance relationships, and I am an extremely vocal advocate of them. I am going to share some lessons from the past two years about what I believe has made my relationship successful. I do so in hopes of sparking a conversation about the fears of LDRs and hearing stories from others about what has made their LDRs work or fail.

1. Get some more minutes

Communication is key to every successful relationship in my opinion, but I think it is especially true in LDRs. When my relationship first started I can’t even tell you how flabbergasted I was at the hundreds of dollars on my phone bill! Luckily for me, my boyfriend had an extra line he wasn’t using so he got a phone for it (a free one of course), mailed it to me, and then we were able to talk for free for all the minutes we wanted. I realize this is not a normal course of events, so if you’re going to try out an LDR I strongly suggest upping your cell phone minutes for at least the first 6 months. Where most new daters would go out for dinner, people trying to establish a good foundation for an LDR talk to each other. Yes, I realize that this is the digital age and there are other ways to communicate (skype, Face Time, Google Talk, you name it) but I will comment on this later, and why I think that these are more useful tools down the road.

2. Set expectations early

I do NOT mean expectations about where you want the relationship to go. Like most relationships, LDR or otherwise, these conversations right off the bat can be scary for both parties involved. What I mean is set your communication expectations early. We talked about how often we wanted to actually speak to one another (which was everyday for us, but may not be for you) and we discussed what qualified as speaking to each other. We said that we wanted to hear each others voices at least once a day even if that was to say, “I’m too tired to talk to you right now, I’m going to sleep, and I’ll call you tomorrow.” That has worked for us. Admittedly, some people are not phone people. If this is the case, find a compromise that works for you on how often you want to actually call each other, text each other, or just generally keep in touch.
3. Be at a similar place in life

I don’t care how attracted you are to the person, if one of you is working and one of you is going to school, or if one of you is still in party mode and the other is in “I would like to have friends over for wine and cheese” mode, problems are likely to arise. As I mentioned earlier, my boyfriend and I are both in school. I’m in law school, he’s a PhD student. Our busy schedules help out on the days when we can’t speak to each other much. What’s great about both being students is that one of us is not tied up until 6:30 pm and expecting to come home to a phone conversation with the other. Being a student is a 24 hour endeavor. We have work to do all the time, and because both of us are in this position it makes us better able to understand why we can’t talk to each other at a certain time or for very long.

4. Visitation

I purposely said “visitation” as if it were a prison. Why? Because it takes a lot of time and energy to see each other in person on a consistent basis. So much so that when the time comes to visit your partner you may find yourself annoyed, frustrated, or even upset that circumstances in your life have changed and leaving where you are at is not the best idea. But, I promise you, it is a good idea. It is a good idea not only for the other person but you as well. What is the point of being in an LDR if dread taking time out to see the person you’re with? Seeing them will rejuvenate you and keep you striving towards completion of whatever is going on at home. Keep in mind, though, that LDRs require different face-to-face interaction than non-LDRs. In a non-LDR, face time is common. That means you can spend a bunch of time being next to each other while doing other things. He has work to do at home, she has an event to plan, he has to clean the house, she has to scrapbook, whatever the case might be. In an LDR, face time is fairly uncommon. You spend more time apart than you do together, which makes the time together all the more important. My boyfriend and I do our best to complete everything we possibly can before seeing each other so that our time together is just that, time together. (But see #3 above, we are both students and sometimes this doesn’t work). We have been pretty successful at this and it shows both of us that we respect each others’ time and effort that we put into seeing each other.

Tip: Though it seems obvious, use the cheapest transportation possible within reason. We use the Bolt Bus to see each other since we live on the east coast. It’s much cheaper than the train and doesn’t take much more time, if any, to get there; and it’s also better than renting a car and driving. It also allows us to see each other more often because we’re saving money each time we take a trip, and we get a free one-way trip after the purchase of 8 one-way tickets. I strongly encourage looking for ways other than airlines to see each other if you live close enough.

5. When visitation isn’t possible

We have now reached the portion where I talk about other methods of communication.  That’s right! You have to communicate more.  Sometimes visiting just isn’t possible.  One way to get through this is by using Facetime, Skype, video chat through Google, or any other program that allows you to see the other person’s face.  But, we all know this already.  It makes perfect sense.  When you miss someone, you want to see them, but when you can’t it’s best to use a proxy.  Okay, fine.  What I really wanted to stress with this point is why I think this is better later in the relationship.  I didn’t have the luxury of a camera on my computer when I started dating (I use that word lightly, as LDRs don’t lend themselves well to the typical “courting” that dating provides – See #6 below) my boyfriend.  I had a Dell Inspiron (remember those?) that I had since I was a freshman in college and those bad boys didn’t come with cameras! It forced us to talk and not get wrapped up in the appearance of the other person.  It forced us to become attracted to the other person’s brain, goals, ambitions, and history.  This does not mean that we weren’t physically attracted to each other , it just means that by the time we got to see each other again, we had already set a strong foundation for the things we loved about the other person and none of those things were related to physicality. While Facetime, Skype, and others are great tools, they can also distract and detract from establishing the basics.

6. Be open

Last but not least you have to be open to making it work.  Yes, this is obvious.  But do not force yourself into something when you are not willing to put in the work. LDRs are A LOT of work, and they are a different type of work than a non-LDR relationship.  People often start out without being in an LDR, someone gets a job offer and moves away, and the relationship ends.  In some circumstances, someone makes a sacrifice and the two end up back together. But we all know these are special cases.  That said, most of us cannot maintain an LDR forever.  This means both people must remain optimistic about the future and be open to where the two of you may end up in the name of being together.  It may not be where you want to be at first, but the love for each other should override the negatives.

Now that you’ve heard what I have to say, share your thoughts and skepticism below.  I’d love to hear your take on why LDRs do and don’t work.



Posted by on May 1, 2012 in Love, Relationships


Sports in Real Life: Sleeping with the Enemy: A Manual to Surviving Dating a Fan of Another Team (with help from MichaelYoungHistory)

Recently, the Thread tackled the important intersection of religion and relationships via ThreadRadio, which got me thinking about other issues in dating someone who doesn’t adhere to your beliefs/loves/interests. And then, walking into my bathroom, I saw this:

The Worst Part of Waking Up- the Anti-Folgers

The Worst Part of Waking Up- the Anti-Folgers

Yet another reminder of the sports inadequacies of my boyfriend. Sharing only one of my teams, there are few sports conversations we share that don’t involve hating each other’s teams, bringing up painful memories (our combined teams have quite a few of them) and laughing every time an athlete from the other’s team tweets something ignorant.

I figured there may be other couples out there that can relate to this, so I thought I would share some of the strategies that have kept my boyfriend and I sane. Then, I realized that our situation is not only more complicated than most, but also a bit more ridiculous, so I thought a laugh at our expense wouldn’t hurt, either. I enlisted the help of my significant other, more often referenced around these parts as MichaelYoungHistory. Please reference his posts for all Rockets/Yankees/Bills/Giants/Duke slander.

1. Always “favorite” or screen grab their predictions for their team. Guaranteed fails every time.

I think this one pretty much explains itself. I know we all have high hopes for our teams every year (unless you’re a Browns or Bobcats fan right now) making the championship. We hoist the trophy in our heads at the start of the season, but putting it in print is pure ammo to your significant other. It’ll bring you closer!

2. Be supportive. Even when you have jokes and slander for days.

MYH: “I gotta be nice because my losses are coming.”

Not as much fun as #1, but trust, this one’s important. It’s all fun and games until the next game or week where your team gets clobbered and you have to taste all the hatred you were spewing before. When MichaelYoungHistory’s Ginas Giants won the Super Bowl, I was all about the high-five and big hug, because I knew if my team couldn’t win, I’d rather the Patriots lose his team win. When the Mavs lost on that clutch KD shot at the end of the game Saturday (still hurts), my boo didn’t laugh at my pain (externally). He understood losing close games because he’s been there before with his teams. MYH: “You have deal with the fact that the person that you love is down about it.” These are all lessons in love taught through sports. Slander with love.

3. Keep things interesting. Make a friendly wager when your teams play each other.

MYH:”The bets are crucial. As if we needed more on the line.”

Watching the NFL schedule released this month, the only cool part of sitting next to a Bills/Giants fan (besides the obvious Eli Face and Bills “always the bridesmaid” jokes) is figuring out if there are any games where our teams play each other, which of course, could either trigger the end of our relationship, or bring us closer. Depending on how well the winner handles the victory and stays out of the loser’s way. One of the ways to attempt to “lighten the mood” is to make a small wager- a home-cooked meal, a foot massage, a day of awful rom-coms or something equally painful,etc.- that both parties agree to if their team loses.

I unfortunately found myself in the loser’s corner this past NFL season, as the Giants beat America’s Team and broke my heart (and pride) not once, but TWICE. Both times, I had to prepare myself for the trash talking, seeing him wear that awful NYG t-shirt he claims is lucky and wishing nothing but pick 6’s on Eli Manning. We bet a favorite home-cooked meal prepared by the loser, which only made me more anxious each game. First loss, I played it cool. Handshake, head nod, whole nine. We also watched that game together (not always a good choice).

The second matchup, I decided it would be prudent for us to watch the game in different locations. Taking that “L” was the worst, but I will say this: having someone who cares about you enough to drive to you, not to rub their win in your face, but to listen to your monologue on everything that’s wrong with Jerry Jones, is love personified. I will never forget that. Ever.

4. Embrace the fact that you have a shared interest: an unhealthy obsession with sports (and the fact you hate some of the same teams).

MYH: “You care, and I care. And neither one of us are going to stop caring.”

We all have limits and deal breakers in relationships. In the sports department, there are some fans that I refuse to date, mainly because I know that I couldn’t possibly marry someone and have my kids root for those teams or go to their school. MYH: “I never thought I could date someone who was a serious Cowboys fan.” Fortunately, MichaelYoungHistory isn’t an Aggie, Sooner, Heat, Patriots, Redskins or Eagles fan. But he’s pretty much the next worse thing. I struggle every day with the Yankees and Giants fandom, but I know at the end of the day, we’re both Longhorns and can at least root for them together. We can also hate the Lakers together and it’s all good. 

Being a sports fan connects you to all of the other passionate people around the world that care about players they may never meet and teams that shouldn’t matter as much as they do. We know we’re a little crazy, and being with someone who “gets” that makes life a whole lot easier. When it came time for the important “toothbrush at my place” moment, yeah, he tainted it a little with that disgusting Yankees toothbrush. On the flip side, when he gave me a key to his apartment, an already big step was made bigger by the fact that he had the key made with the Texas Rangers logo and colors. It’s a pretty cool exchange, and I’m sure there will be moments where we struggle to find a balance between being a good partner and a passionate sports fan, but I look forward to the challenge. Especially when he says stuff like this, smack dab in the middle of a serious conversation about committment:

 MYH: “Oh, by the way, babe, we can’t get married during football season. We’d miss a whole weekend of good sports. You think we’re really more important to our friends than college and NFL football? I don’t wanna be that presumptuous…”

One thing we can both agree on.


No, you’re from Houston. 5 Misconceptions that we have about Africa

Let me take this time to disabuse some friends of other stereotypes regarding Africa as well.

– No, you can’t “just go back to Africa” especially if you’ve never been.

– No, you won’t be greeted with open arms in pan-Africanist brotherhood, the people there don’t know you.

– No, everyone does not refer to each other as “King”, “Queen”, “brother”, or “sister” or any variation thereof you’ll probably be referenced to as “the American” or “white man” if they don’t know your name.

– You are a Westerner from a Western country without regard to the color of your skin. Given that, you probably hold all the patronizing and self-serving notions in regards to Africa that is common among Westerners. Check that.

– Yes, you can get robbed, beat up, cussed out and discriminated against in Africa. It’s a continent and it’s full of people not mystical beings who hold the key to a perfect humanity. Africa and Africans aren’t here for your preferred social theories.

cross-posted @ theybc


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Gravity Night on Thread Radio: Think Like a Man


Here is our “Think Like a Man” episode. If you listened live, you will find the show (including the After Show) in its entirety. Once again, thank you all for your continued support. Join us for another show like only The Thread can do next Monday at 10PM Central. I hear 3 new Threaders will take the plunge into this “radio thing.” Much love! -23

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Gravity Night on Thread Radio: Religion & Relationships


Here is tonight’s ThreadRadio show on “Religion and Relationships”. It also features the 7-minute aftershow, so if you listened live, fast-forward; and if you didn’t, enjoy the longer discussion. As always, thanks for your support! Tune in next Monday at 10pm Central for our much anticipated show on “Think Like A Man” where we dive into the book and into the movie. Without any further ado…

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