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Category Archives: The Baby Daddy Chronicles

[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: Happy Mother [Fuckers] Day

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated..

The Baby Daddy Chronicles

I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood 
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged
IV –
 The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil
V – A Day for [hating] Daddy
VI – Happy Mother [Fuckers] Day

First off…. Happy Mother’s Day to…. Well we’ll get to that part later…

Today’s post will take a non-sequitur approach to explaining a larger point; please wait until the post’s conclusion to develop your opinions about the contention made. It’s important that you are at least mildly familiar with what has already been discussed in order to understand what will be going on today… Please feel free to read the other BDC postings, because today we will find that…

KING’S LAW: Payback is a Mother Fucker… Read the rest of this entry »

 

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[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: A Day for [hating] Daddy

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.

The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood 
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged
IV – The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil
– A Day for [hating] Daddy

I will start this installment off by warning you all. This is a rant. Much like my other rants, you should expect shock-inducing and polarizing statements communicated with the use of foul and/or vulgar language… but hey, if I were a stage comedian it’d be okay, so fuck it.

Next I will say: Happy Father’s Day to every man who accepts the role and responsibility of raising your children. Parenting doesn’t require praise, and we don’t ask for it… but it’s nice to have our own day where we can be appreciated as fathers… without having the intent of the day’s celebrations clouded by the general public’s misguided emo-trips on the internet.

I wasn’t sure what to entitle this blog. I was going to go with “Fuck you bitter daddiless bitches”… or “Fuck that bitch, it’s Father’s Day”…. and of course “Fuck yo Daddy?… that’s what ya mama did.” But I didn’t do that… so at least give me some credit there.

However I am writing today to express my discontent with the lack of mind people pay to “Father’s Day” as it is actually supposed to be celebrated. This is something I hate more than Turkey Bacon or Mass Text Messages… Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.

The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged
IV – The Love of [Child Support] is the Root of All Evil

Child Support is a program established by State government law that dictates the amount a non-custodial parent should pay in dollars to ensure their child’s upbringing. These laws are built from two foundational understandings:

  1. It is always the biological parents’ responsibility to ensure their children have access to the [financial] resources they need for a “proper” upbringing.
  2. In our society, financial responsibility is the first responsibility of a parent and it cannot be bypassed… even by actual parenting.

The benefit of Child Support is difficult to argue against. However based on our prior analysis of how some fathers are introduced to this life role and responsibility, it’s odd how the laws are often interpreted. Read the rest of this entry »

 

[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: Dating the Damaged

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.

The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood
II – The Parent Trap
III – Dating the Damaged

As discussed, in our society the BD is regarded as the villain. It is highly discouraged to support the villain, associate the with villain, or even date the villain. In most cases, regardless of the father’s involvement in their children’s lives, it is considered a bad idea to attempt an intimate relationship with a BD.

Unmarried fathers, much like mothers, are regarded as unmarriageable/undateable due to the presence of their children. It is assumed that when you date an individual, you date their life, and many aren’t prepared for the challenge and/or responsibility of parenthood. Because of this, if you date a single parent, you are assumed to have a bad case of HAS (Hoodrat Affinity Syndrome)… let’s define:

Hoodrat Affinity Syndrome (HAS) – a mental disposition to make choices indicative of lowered standards, due to low self esteem and efficacy. These choices are meant to decrease the rate of rejection and increase the rate of success when approaching candidates for intimacy.

In short, they date undesirables because they don’t think they can do any better… and sometimes even because they know they won’t become attached and can drop them quickly.

KING’S LAW: Dating BD/BMs is comparable to buying damaged goods; You only enjoy it because you can’t get any better or because there is something wrong with you.

Is this a fair depiction of anybody who would date a single parent? Why is dating a parent seen as such a negative? Read the rest of this entry »

 

[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: The Parent Trap

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.

The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood
II – The Parent Trap

“I personally do tend to sympathize for the man because often times he has NO SAY in the decision process when a woman gets pregnant. Whether that be to keep the baby, terminate it, or put it up for adoption. Instead the woman and typically the woman’s family make all of the decisions with the man just having to accept whatever decision is made. Even though it takes two to tango, only one vote matters that could potentially change both parties lives.” – Tava

This excerpt from one of readers comes from a female commenter on the first release of the BDC. It shines light upon the very controversial myth of “The Parenting Decision”.

The assumption is that two consenting adults can have unprotected sex, and if an unplanned occurrence were to pop up, such as pregnancy, the two adults can then decide what the best course of action is.

The truth is that many women, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, have their decision made up before the man’s input is solicited; it’s as if they plan it without the soon-to-be-father’s knowledge. They assume that by him diving in “naked head” he was willing to support a family. Based on the last BDC entry, I’d hope that this assumption could be seen as simply asinine, foolish, illogical, and stupid.

While this doesn’t excuse men from taking care of their assumed responsibility, it does go to show you that many times women decide to parent on their own, yet aren’t willing to parent on their own. In essence, “The Parenting Decision” lies only with the mother, and for the father, it is often a “Parent Trap”. Read the rest of this entry »

 

[The Baby Daddy Chronicles]: The “Choice” of Fatherhood

Disclaimer: The following are the views of a single, black father whom shares custody of his child. These views are not representative of all single fathers or black parents. These views are not meant to excuse or justify the choices or actions of any individuals. However, this discussion piece is meant to provide new perspectives and encourage dialogue. Comments are greatly appreciated.

The Baby Daddy Chronicles
I – The “Choice” of Fatherhood

The most notably celebrated archetypical villain in black culture is the “Baby-Daddy”. People hate a BD… and they LOVE to HATE the BD.

Have you ever seen an episode of Maury Povich? The topic of the show will be about men who refuse to take care of their children because they haven’t had a paternity test yet. Before the man is ever introduced, he is belittled and berated by his accuser… the crowd shows no mercy; they boo him before he even has a chance to prove innocence; guilty until proven childless.

People Love to hate the BD. And what is more is that the BM is usually assumed to be the “good guy” in most cases. So much so, that a BD is discredited from ever having a point of view. Before we even hit the stage, we are trifling, no good, and assumed to be the single source of everybody’s strife… regardless of the fact that both parents should share accountability… not only in the child’s existence, but in the lack of planning to raise it correctly as well.

But instead we play the blame game. As a result, fatherhood isn’t seen as a life goal; it’s more of a chore.

People always ask the simple question of “Why don’t you JUST take care of YOUR kids?”… not realizing how loaded of a statement this is. What if the simple answer back was “Because I never intended to, and that wasn’t a secret.”… would that excuse him? Would we reassign blame to the woman who flirted with the risk of a pregnancy by an Aint-Shit-Dude?

What society fails to realized and/or accept is that ownership of a child/situation isn’t always easy or simple. Mothers have the advantage of seeing a feeling a tangible difference in their lives while expecting a child. Men sometimes need more time than that… especially when it’s not a part of their plan.

While as humans, we have individual beliefs and moral backgrounds that restrict some life options, the fact remains that there are choices for women to abandon motherhood. Abortion and Adoption, while not very popular, are very available. Men’s only option is to abandon the woman and the child.

This underlying fact coupled with the expectations set in the relationship between the mother and father to be (Please see this link for explanation), could equal something upsetting for one or more parties.

Considering that all active parties know the consequences of unprotected sex, if a contingency plan for pregnancy has never been created, it is assumed that both parties will work to raise the child… But is this a fair assumption? Assuming that somebody will loan you $20 is harsh… but assuming that somebody will invest the rest of their life to include you in some way…. Easy decision. And for those who don’t agree with the many, the choice is not to be a father.

You see, in truth parenthood is a choice; responsible individuals realize that long before they decide to not use a condom. Even still, men often view it as a trap. Sometimes it’s not even that fatherhood is scary; it’s just that men decide they don’t want to be with the woman before they become attached to the idea of raising their own.

Is this okay? No… but it is life… it happens… often. You see it on TV, in movies, on Maury, in your family… maybe even with your mother. My point is that it is prevalent… yet it continues to happen. But you never know, maybe these men abandon the job because they have no intentions of doing it correclty… This is a pathology that is directly linked to the historical behaviors of (absent) fathers, however the blame cannot be placed in one (Man’s) lap.

KING’S LAW: The Parent Trap isn’t impervious to free will.

Thoughts??

 
13 Comments

Posted by on November 30, 2010 in Family, Sex, The Baby Daddy Chronicles

 
 
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