Tag Archives: Dating

Strictly platonic???

So, I have this secret addiction to craigslist.

I don’t really like to talk about it, but I get a bit of a thrill buying and selling things on craigslist, looking for cool apartments and homes in every part of the country, and the haiku hotel. I read the “best of craigslist” postings for a laugh and of course, on the seedier side of the website, there’s the “personals”. Casual Encounters is pretty self-explanatory, Missed Connections brings out my deep-seated romantic at times, and then there’s the seeking part of the program. The most confusing thing I have run across on the interwebz has to be the “strictly platonic” area. No one seems to know what this section means. With people looking for everything from a “texting friend” to a “NAKED PRAYER BUDDY” (more about this later), everyone’s definition of platonic seems to vary.

Whether on the internet or in real life, what is a platonic relationship and is it possible for a m4w/w4m (as well as a situation with a m4m/m4m or w4w/w4w) to work long-term?

I was really confused by a few of the posts I found. Who answers these?

this guy is so sexually confused. what does he want?

I don't even know where to start here...

What's the gift card thing about?

gold digging for friendship...smh...

Mixed in with these are random lunch, movie and texting invites. Everyone wants some kind of human interaction, but what are the conditions?

Here are my rules for the platonic relationship I am currently looking for:

1. We can’t have ever dated, hooked up, almost hooked up, talked about how we would have hooked up in different circumstances, liked each other “like that”, confessed a crush (even on a drunken night), “talked” or any variation of the above.

2. We must find each other good looking enough to hang around constantly (I like to look at a handsome guy while I’m watching poorly written action movies, sue me) but not be so physically attractive to ruin the platonic potential.

3. We must have similar social interests, but vary in opinion (related to politics, sports, music, etc.) and career paths. I like to argue and need someone to learn cool stuff from. I hope you majored in art history, engineering or accounting. I don’t know anything about any of those.

4. You can’t have a dumb broad for a girlfriend that doesn’t like our relationship. I don’t do jealousy, ignorance, or jealous, ignant hussies. I promise to return the favor.

5. Our friendship has no gimmicks, no power trips, no ulterior motives. We never keep tabs on who won the last fight, who owes who $5 from the last time out, and we don’t keep secrets. Our loyalty and longevity are what defines us. Nothing else matters.

All others need not apply.


Posted by on August 22, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Fornicating vs. Shacking: What’s the Difference?

Shack (also: shack up, shacked up, shacking) – To live with a partner in sexual intimacy without being married.

I have quite a few friends who are either shacking, have shacked, or soon will be shacking with their significant others.  When I was growing up, shacking was always looked down on mostly because of religious reasons.  I can only speak from my standpoint, but my parents told me not to shack more than they told me not to have sex.  I respected that, but now that I’ve gotten older and done more research, the line between sex and shacking has become much more blurry.

I can’t emphasize enough that I am not judging or making indictments against anyone.  Believe me, I have no room or right to judge because I struggle with my own demons.  Now that that’s out of the way, let’s have a real discussion about this. Religiously speaking, God frowns on sex outside of marriage.  Whether it’s fornication or adultery, the Bible is very clear about this.  The more I’ve read and researched, though, the Bible doesn’t specifically say anything about living with a girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancé//fiancée.  Shacking isn’t a recent phenomenon, but it has certainly become much more accepted by society over recent years.  People who quote the Bible (or misquote it) seem to equate shacking to fornication.  They’re not wrong for that notion because let’s face it; the vast majority of couples living together are sleeping together, but why does shacking seem to trump sex?  Why do so many people treat shacking like it is the cardinal sin?

What I’ve come to realize is that there is no difference between those who shack and those who fornicate.  Those who are “just” fornicating are doing the same thing as those fornicating and shacking from a Christian standpoint.  The shackers are just more frugal (paying for one household is better than paying for two, right?). Like I said, I’m not here to judge or determine what’s wrong or right, but it seems like there’s some kind of hierarchy of wrongdoing and shacking is near the top of that list.

Personally, I’m not a fan of living with someone I’m dating because it’s hard enough just to date.  Living with a person opens up a new can of worms.  I know people want to test drive a car before they buy it, sample the milk before putting a down payment on the cow, or see if they are compatible with their partner before exchanging those vows, but it’s just not my thing.  I understand the logic behind it, but it’s just not for me.  I’m not ready to be married yet, so the mere thought of playing house freaks me out.  As far as marriage is concerned, when I do find a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be more willing to share everything and make “my” “ours” after we jump over the broom.  I’m not at that point right now.

I’m somewhat young, childless, and single, though.  What about an unwed couple who already has a child or children?  Should they not shack because it is wrong to fornicate?  Too late.  Obviously, the easy answer would be for them to get married, but I don’t think marriage is something that should be rushed.  In the interest of the child or children, though, if the couple has a healthy relationship, wouldn’t shacking be best for the child?

Maybe I’m trippin’.  Maybe I’m just ignorant since I haven’t come across anyone I’d be willing to give up half my living space for.  Maybe my parents are the only ones who stressed for me not to shack up or have a “live-in girlfriend”.  If I were keeping score from home, it would look something like: Don’t Shack Up- 953 / Don’t Get Your Ears Pierced- 541 / Don’t get tattoos- 630 /  Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex- 82. Oops. Well, at least I listened to a few things one thing they said.


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Posted by on April 6, 2011 in Relationships, Sex


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Say Something Baby

“I can’t find a good man”

I detest these words with a passion.  Whenever I hear a grown woman complain about her potential mates I punch a small woodland creature in my mind. I understand that there are millions of “jerks” and “dogs” in the world, I also understand that women are often approached in a way that is totally inappropriate but what I don’t understand is how these facts translate into you not being able to find a good man. Let’s look at this logically.

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Don’t Catch Feelings, Catch Flights

Now earlier I touted the positives of letting your guard down and being emotionally honest with someone you truly care about and really deserves it. Now I’m going to help you identify when someone doesn’t. Also I will be doing so from the male perspective because that’s all I know.

This will not end well

We’ve all been there before there is that girl you’ve just met who looks absolutely beautiful. This is where the problem starts.If you are like me and you are a bit idealistic you have probably created a narrative in your head about this young woman‘s personality based upon how sweet she looks, you probably assume that she might be interested in a guy like yourself cause you’re a nice guy and not an asshole that you hear so many women complain about. That is your first mistake. You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you but you’ve already created a mental link that doesn’t exist. It is unconscious but powerful. You’ve idealized some person you don’t even know. This will lead to issues. You approach her, make her laugh, and strike up a conversation this may lead to one of these outcomes.

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Posted by on November 30, 2010 in Relationships, Sex


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