Tag Archives: Relationships

Gravity Night on Thread Radio: Religion & Relationships


Here is tonight’s ThreadRadio show on “Religion and Relationships”. It also features the 7-minute aftershow, so if you listened live, fast-forward; and if you didn’t, enjoy the longer discussion. As always, thanks for your support! Tune in next Monday at 10pm Central for our much anticipated show on “Think Like A Man” where we dive into the book and into the movie. Without any further ado…

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Fornicating vs. Shacking: What’s the Difference?

Shack (also: shack up, shacked up, shacking) – To live with a partner in sexual intimacy without being married.

I have quite a few friends who are either shacking, have shacked, or soon will be shacking with their significant others.  When I was growing up, shacking was always looked down on mostly because of religious reasons.  I can only speak from my standpoint, but my parents told me not to shack more than they told me not to have sex.  I respected that, but now that I’ve gotten older and done more research, the line between sex and shacking has become much more blurry.

I can’t emphasize enough that I am not judging or making indictments against anyone.  Believe me, I have no room or right to judge because I struggle with my own demons.  Now that that’s out of the way, let’s have a real discussion about this. Religiously speaking, God frowns on sex outside of marriage.  Whether it’s fornication or adultery, the Bible is very clear about this.  The more I’ve read and researched, though, the Bible doesn’t specifically say anything about living with a girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancé//fiancée.  Shacking isn’t a recent phenomenon, but it has certainly become much more accepted by society over recent years.  People who quote the Bible (or misquote it) seem to equate shacking to fornication.  They’re not wrong for that notion because let’s face it; the vast majority of couples living together are sleeping together, but why does shacking seem to trump sex?  Why do so many people treat shacking like it is the cardinal sin?

What I’ve come to realize is that there is no difference between those who shack and those who fornicate.  Those who are “just” fornicating are doing the same thing as those fornicating and shacking from a Christian standpoint.  The shackers are just more frugal (paying for one household is better than paying for two, right?). Like I said, I’m not here to judge or determine what’s wrong or right, but it seems like there’s some kind of hierarchy of wrongdoing and shacking is near the top of that list.

Personally, I’m not a fan of living with someone I’m dating because it’s hard enough just to date.  Living with a person opens up a new can of worms.  I know people want to test drive a car before they buy it, sample the milk before putting a down payment on the cow, or see if they are compatible with their partner before exchanging those vows, but it’s just not my thing.  I understand the logic behind it, but it’s just not for me.  I’m not ready to be married yet, so the mere thought of playing house freaks me out.  As far as marriage is concerned, when I do find a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be more willing to share everything and make “my” “ours” after we jump over the broom.  I’m not at that point right now.

I’m somewhat young, childless, and single, though.  What about an unwed couple who already has a child or children?  Should they not shack because it is wrong to fornicate?  Too late.  Obviously, the easy answer would be for them to get married, but I don’t think marriage is something that should be rushed.  In the interest of the child or children, though, if the couple has a healthy relationship, wouldn’t shacking be best for the child?

Maybe I’m trippin’.  Maybe I’m just ignorant since I haven’t come across anyone I’d be willing to give up half my living space for.  Maybe my parents are the only ones who stressed for me not to shack up or have a “live-in girlfriend”.  If I were keeping score from home, it would look something like: Don’t Shack Up- 953 / Don’t Get Your Ears Pierced- 541 / Don’t get tattoos- 630 /  Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex- 82. Oops. Well, at least I listened to a few things one thing they said.


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Posted by on April 6, 2011 in Relationships, Sex


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Say Something Baby

“I can’t find a good man”

I detest these words with a passion.  Whenever I hear a grown woman complain about her potential mates I punch a small woodland creature in my mind. I understand that there are millions of “jerks” and “dogs” in the world, I also understand that women are often approached in a way that is totally inappropriate but what I don’t understand is how these facts translate into you not being able to find a good man. Let’s look at this logically.

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My Inner Me

On one of his mixtapes prior to his highly praised debut album “Food & Liquor,” Lupe Fiasco spit a lyric that has stuck with me since the first time I heard it;

“My greatest enemy is my inner me”

While this lyric may seem simple on its face, the meaning and sheer force behind it cannot be underestimated. Look, we all know that there are a million reasons that relationships don’t work, and by now we’ve heard them all; lack of attraction, cheating, compatibility issues, distance, etc. As budding novelist Bradford J. Howard so bluntly puts it in his newest novel Book of Lamentationssometimes love isn’t enough.”

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Posted by on January 6, 2011 in Relationships, Uncategorized


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Don’t Catch Feelings, Catch Flights

Now earlier I touted the positives of letting your guard down and being emotionally honest with someone you truly care about and really deserves it. Now I’m going to help you identify when someone doesn’t. Also I will be doing so from the male perspective because that’s all I know.

This will not end well

We’ve all been there before there is that girl you’ve just met who looks absolutely beautiful. This is where the problem starts.If you are like me and you are a bit idealistic you have probably created a narrative in your head about this young woman‘s personality based upon how sweet she looks, you probably assume that she might be interested in a guy like yourself cause you’re a nice guy and not an asshole that you hear so many women complain about. That is your first mistake. You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you but you’ve already created a mental link that doesn’t exist. It is unconscious but powerful. You’ve idealized some person you don’t even know. This will lead to issues. You approach her, make her laugh, and strike up a conversation this may lead to one of these outcomes.

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Posted by on November 30, 2010 in Relationships, Sex


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You Don’t Own Me

You Don’t Own Me by RZAWU

No matter who you are and where you are in life you’re most likely ruled by the same thing that rules us all, expectations. It is as if everyone understands exactly what is expected of them and once we accept those limits as valid we are effectively restrained within them. It is a commonality of the human condition that almost to a person we accept while simultaneously yearning to be freed of. Expectations on a macro level is the glue of our society. We are born and told to go to school to be considered for a job that will make us marriageable at which point we are to find a mate settle down and have children who, if you did everything correctly, will replicate the cycle. This is the mature and sensible path and we are told that it is the definition of true meaningful happiness. Even people who are viewed as abnormal by our society are judged by this metric of sensibility in the long run which is why the debate over gay marriage is as passionate as it is with both supporters and opponents rightfully understanding that an acceptance into the institution of marriage is the last step towards long run normalization.

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Posted by on November 24, 2010 in Daily Distractions



Compliments to the Hand-Love

In my experiences, the biggest difference between relationships that don’t work and those that do is the amount of sacrifice each side makes. Now, full disclosure, I’ve been on both sides of the lines I seek to draw today. I’ve been the one giving too much, and I’ve also been the one not giving enough. Either way, those relationships were doomed from jump. Let me explain:

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Posted by on November 18, 2010 in Relationships


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